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long but worth it...

GoNz0

NTFS Stoner
#1
just got e-mialed this. havnt heard it for a year so i thought i would post it..

You will like this!

>Just imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work and hearing this.
>
>Many Chicago folks DID hear this on the WBAM FM morning show in Chicago.
>The
>DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is called
>"Mate Match". The DJs call someone at work and ask if they are married or
>seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers "yes", he or
>she
>is then asked 3 random yet highly personal questions.
>
>The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner (with phone
>number) for verification. If their partner answers those same three
>questions correctly, they both win the prize.
>
>One particular game, however, several months ago made the City of Big
>Shoulders drop to its knees with laughter. Anyway, here's how it all went
>down:
>
>DJ: "Hey! This is Edgar on WBAM. Have you ever heard of 'Mate Match'?"
>Contestant: (laughing) "Yes, I have."
>DJ: "Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to Orlando, Florida if
>you win. What is your name?
>First only please."
>Contestant: "Brian."
>DJ: "Brian, are you married or what?"
>Brian: "Yes."
>DJ: "Yes? Does that mean you're married or you're what?"
>Brian: (laughing nervously) "Yes, I am married."
>DJ: "Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name?
>First only please."
>Brian: "Sara."
>DJ: "Is Sara at work, Brian?"
>Brian: "She is gonna kill me."
>DJ: "Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at work?"
>Brian: (laughing) "Yes, she's at work."
>DJ: "Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?"
>Brian: "She is gonna kill me."
>DJ: "Brian! Stay with me here!"
>Brian: "About 8 o'clock this morning."
>DJ: "Atta boy, Brian." >
>Brian: (laughing sheepishly) "Well..."
>DJ: "Question #2 - How long did it last?"
>Brian: "About 10 minutes."
>DJ: "Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said that
>if a trip wasn't at stake."
>Brian: "Yeah, that trip sure would be nice."
>DJ: "Okay. Final question. Where did you have sex at 8 o'clock this
>morning?"
>Brian: (laughing hard) "I, ummm, I, well..."
>DJ: "This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?"
>Brian: "Not that it was all that great, but her mom is staying with us for
>a
>couple of weeks..."
>DJ: "Uh huh..."
>Brian: "...and the Mother-In-Law was in the shower at the time."
>DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."
>Brian: "On the kitchen table."
>DJ: "Not that great?? That is more adventure than the previous hundred
>times
>I've done it. Okay folks,
>I will put Brian on hold, get this wife's work number and call her up. You
>listen to this."
>
> 3 minutes of commercials follow.
>
>DJ: "Okay audience, let's call Sarah, shall we?"
>(touch tones.....ringing....)
>Clerk: "Kinkos."
>DJ: "Hey, is Sarah around there somewhere?"
>Clerk: "This is she."
> DJ: "Sarah, this is Edgar with WBAM. We are live on the air right now
and
>I've been talking with Brian for a couple of hours now."
>
>Sarah: (laughing) "A couple of hours?"
>DJ: "Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to give
>any answers away or you'll lose. Sooooooo... do you know the rules of
>'Mate
>Match'?"
>
>Sarah: "No."
>DJ: "Good!"
>Brian: (laughing)
>Sarah: (laughing) "Brian, what the hell are you up to?"
>Brian (laughing) "Just answer his questions honestly, okay? Be completely
>honest."
>DJ: "Yeah yeah yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sarah. If your
>answers match Brian's answers, then the both of you will be off to
Orlando,
>Florida for 5 days on us. Disney World. Sea World. Tickets to the Magic's
>game. The whole deal.
>
>Get it Sarah?"
>Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."
>DJ: "Alright. When did you last have sex, Sarah?"
>Sarah: "Oh God, Brian....uh, this morning before Brian went to work."
>DJ: "What time?"
>Sarah: "Around 8 this morning."
>DJ: "Very good. Next question. How long did it last?"
>Sarah: "12, 15 minutes maybe."
>DJ: "Hmmmm. That's close enough. I am sure she is trying to protect his
>manhood. We've got one last question, Sarah. You are one question away
from
>a trip to Florida. Are you ready?"
>
>Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."
>DJ: "Where did you have it?"
>Sarah: "OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn't tell them that, did you?"
>Brian: "Just tell him, honey."
>DJ: "What is bothering you so much, Sarah?"
>Sarah: "Well..."
>DJ: Come on Sarah.....where did you have it?
>Sarah: "Up the arse....."
>
>After a long pause, the DJ said, " ....... Folks, we need to take a
station
>break ......"
 

damnyank

I WILL NOT FORGET 911
#4
Can't help but laugh my a$$ off everytime I hear that one - it is a classic!:D :D

BTW GoNzO - here's a freebie I found that does a great job of cleaning up those forwarded jokes.
Take a look here

I have been using it for a couple of months now and I love it!
 

damnyank

I WILL NOT FORGET 911
#5
This is what it does and you can hilight and delete the "This email was cleaned by emailStripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm - from the end of the copy! I provided this to quite a few of my friends and now I also receive "cleaned up jokes"!


Just imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work and hearing this.

Many Chicago folks DID hear this on the WBAM FM morning show in Chicago. The DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is called "Mate Match". The DJs call someone at work and ask if they are married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers "yes", he or she is then asked 3 random yet highly personal questions.

The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner (with phone number) for verification. If their partner answers those same three questions correctly, they both win the prize.

One particular game, however, several months ago made the City of Big Shoulders drop to its knees with laughter. Anyway, here's how it all went down:

DJ: "Hey! This is Edgar on WBAM. Have you ever heard of 'Mate Match'?" Contestant: (laughing) "Yes, I have." DJ: "Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to Orlando, Florida if you win. What is your name? First only please." Contestant: "Brian." DJ: "Brian, are you married or what?" Brian: "Yes." DJ: "Yes? Does that mean you're married or you're what?" Brian: (laughing nervously) "Yes, I am married." DJ: "Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please." Brian: "Sara." DJ: "Is Sara at work, Brian?" Brian: "She is gonna kill me." DJ: "Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at work?" Brian: (laughing) "Yes, she's at work." DJ: "Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?" Brian: "She is gonna kill me." DJ: "Brian! Stay with me here!" Brian: "About 8 o'clock this morning." DJ: "Atta boy, Brian." > Brian: (laughing sheepishly) "Well..." DJ: "Question #2 - How long did it last?" Brian: "About 10 minutes." DJ: "Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said that if a trip wasn't at stake." Brian: "Yeah, that trip sure would be nice." DJ: "Okay. Final question. Where did you have sex at 8 o'clock this morning?" Brian: (laughing hard) "I, ummm, I, well..." DJ: "This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?" Brian: "Not that it was all that great, but her mom is staying with us for a couple of weeks..." DJ: "Uh huh..." Brian: "...and the Mother-In-Law was in the shower at the time." DJ: "Atta boy, Brian." Brian: "On the kitchen table." DJ: "Not that great?? That is more adventure than the previous hundred times I've done it. Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold, get this wife's work number and call her up. You listen to this."

3 minutes of commercials follow.

DJ: "Okay audience, let's call Sarah, shall we?"
(touch tones.....ringing....) Clerk: "Kinkos." DJ: "Hey, is Sarah around there somewhere?" Clerk: "This is she." DJ: "Sarah, this is Edgar with WBAM. We are live on the air right now and I've been talking with Brian for a couple of hours now."

Sarah: (laughing) "A couple of hours?" DJ: "Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to give any answers away or you'll lose. Sooooooo... do you know the rules of 'Mate Match'?"

Sarah: "No." DJ: "Good!" Brian: (laughing) Sarah: (laughing) "Brian, what the hell are you up to?" Brian (laughing) "Just answer his questions honestly, okay? Be completely honest." DJ: "Yeah yeah yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sarah. If your answers match Brian's answers, then the both of you will be off to Orlando, Florida for 5 days on us. Disney World. Sea World. Tickets to the Magic's game. The whole deal.

Get it Sarah?" Sarah: (laughing) "Yes." DJ: "Alright. When did you last have sex, Sarah?" Sarah: "Oh God, Brian....uh, this morning before Brian went to work." DJ: "What time?" Sarah: "Around 8 this morning." DJ: "Very good. Next question. How long did it last?" Sarah: "12, 15 minutes maybe." DJ: "Hmmmm. That's close enough. I am sure she is trying to protect his manhood. We've got one last question, Sarah. You are one question away from a trip to Florida. Are you ready?"

Sarah: (laughing) "Yes." DJ: "Where did you have it?" Sarah: "OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn't tell them that, did you?" Brian: "Just tell him, honey." DJ: "What is bothering you so much, Sarah?" Sarah: "Well..." DJ: Come on Sarah.....where did you have it? Sarah: "Up the arse....."

After a long pause, the DJ said, " ....... Folks, we need to take a station break ......"

This email was cleaned by emailStripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm
 

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