Should I be concerned about sites my soon-to-be-ex is accessing?


Not all there...
Greetings, gang! Long time no speak...

As if my life hasn't been complicated enough this year with my new chocolate enterprise going live in February, in April I found out my husband has started sewing some mid-life-crisis-sprouted wild oats. So we're in the process of getting a divorce.

So, we're still living under the same roof (until my daughter and I move to CA in 3 weeks), and to protect my privacy I have password protected my account/data on my computer, and graciously set up a guest account in case he needs internet access. So I found from a brief glance at the history he's
been browsing a LOT of porn sites. While I don't give a rat's arse about what he does in his spare time, I'm concerned about what sort of vicious cookie grabbers and other such nasties might be lurking on such sites to infect MY computer. If that is a valid concern, I'd like to confront him to warn him about such things (okay... and so I can also take a little pleasure in letting him know he's busted -- I bet his "mistress" doesn't know he's doing this extra research :twisted:).

My first instinct was to install a watchdog program to block him from accessing them at all (I found a terrific one that will play the sound of a huge dog barking when he does...
:devious:). But I've held off, doing screen captures of the history lists and passing them along to my attorney in case we need them for ammo in the divorce.

But I've been getting a LOT of porn spam e-mails lately, and can't help but wonder if it's not because of the idjit's smut surfing. Should I be concerned (or continue to have fun with it at his expense)?
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OSNN Veteran Addict
Political User
First of all, I'm sorry to hear about your Marriage problems. I hope for your daughters sake you can work things out in as best way as possible.

To address your security concerns, I would back up any sensitive data now before anything is compromised. Browsing porn sites is not dangerous in its self, but there is a increased risk in malware if unsafe browsing habits are used. (always wear protection kids!)

I'm not about to go into the matter of confronting him about it, I feel that is not my place to do so. However, I feel if you spoke to him about it in a way that he would not get defensive... and you don't come across as attacking him things would probably go a lot smoother. Easier said than done, I know. Situations like this are touchy to begin with... let alone your unique situation which compounds and makes it even worse.

I wish you the best of luck, and hope things can be resolved as peacefully as possible.


Not all there...
Thanks, Aprox.

By confrontation, I actually meant approaching him in a friendly manner to let him know that, while I really don't care what kind of stuff he's looking at, he really needs to know that these sites run the risk of infecting my computer. He is totally clueless when it comes to technology, such as the existence of the history menu on web browsers. I'm also concerned that he isn't aware that if he's doing this kind of stuff on his work-supplied laptop, his HR department probably has some sort of filter/alert system as well. (I certainly don't want him to lose his job and his ability to pay child support and alimony!).


OSNN Veteran Addict
Talk to your attorney before talking to the pending ex. There may be a legal question about capturing someone elses web activities unless they are notified before hand that you are monitoring their activity.

As for bad practices at work. An assortment of people get canned annually where I work for either "inappropriate" internet activity or "mischarging". i.e. if you are spending an hour surfing that's an hour your are charging and not working. A good friend got nailed last year, 25 year career down the drain adn he will never work for the corporation again. You can bring that subject up independently. Someone you knwo on the web got fired, saw it on a chat site etc.

Keep the two issues seperate.

And good luck. Divorces have made a mes of a lot of people I know. I hope your goes through with minimal damage.


I forgot. make sure the guest account has no admin privileges and disable the riskier functions like activeX for that account. The latest patches, AVand a bidirectional firewall should prevent most malware.

If someone is stupid enough to download an executable and run it though all bets are off.


Not all there...
...make sure the guest account has no admin privileges and disable the riskier functions like activeX for that account.
Thanks for the most excellent advice. I definitely will ask my attorney about the privacy issues about doing the screen captures.

While I see no need to let him know I've done the screen captures, I really think he needs a "facts of internet life" talk about practicing safe browsing, not only for the sake of my own computer, but because I REALLY believe he is extremely clueless about the risks, as well as how easy it is for someone -- like an HR department -- to check up on his browsing habits.

Can you please tell me how to disable activeX for the guest account (I'm using Windows XP)? When I created the account, I made sure it had limited access. But when I go to the account settings in my control panel, I don't see any options for changing it, other than activation and changing the picture.

I'm thinking the best route to take is to write him a friendly, non-judgmental, advisory-type note and then perhaps go ahead and activate the content filter program to prevent him from accessing any more. We're leaving on July 23 and the computer goes with me, so cutting off his... access a bit early isn't going to kill him.


Beware the G-Man
Political User
I seriously would just not let him use the computer at all. There are plenty of Internet Cafés around for him to get his "jollies" if that is what he wishes to do. Revoke his privileges and delete his user account remove every and all instance of his internet activity and be done with it and him. Good luck and welcome to Cali. :D

Oh, and don't waste your time explaining the "dos and don'ts" of internet safety. Let him get his own computer (once you leave) and let him learn through trial and error. After having to reformat and reinstall his OS around 6 to 8 times he'll get the idea. Or not. :p

Also, you never know if he is doing this on purpose to screw up your computer before you leave. If he is doing it to infect your PC it could seriously damage and adversely destroy any important information you have stored on it. Then you could possibly have to reformat and loose everything on the computer. Just don't let him use it at all any more. If he says he really really needs it for something important, look up the nearest Internet Café and send him on his way. It's better to be safe than sorry.


Not all there...
Thanks for more good advice, G-man.

The more I think about it, the more fun I think it would be to just turn on the content filter software and let him get the message that his activities are over from the big barking dog.

Well... guess I'll have to sleep on it...

Thanks to everyone for the great tips.


OSNN Senior Addict
First off, my sympathies for your situation.

Whether or not you are able to approach him and clue him into the fact that he might want to be more careful is still an option in terms of what he does on a work computer but that is purely up to you.

For the sake of safety, and noting you mentioned his cluelessness with technology, I'd say that the wisest course of action is to not allow your computer to be in harms way and bar all future access to it from your soon-to-be ex.

Best of luck.

Dark Atheist

OSNN Veteran Addict
Staff member
Political User
install net nanny - that should stop him :p - then get ccleaner - spybot search and destroy, and scan your pc, if you require it take screen shots of before and after, also run a good antivirus program (not norton or crap like that) and check for any nasties


█▄█ ▀█▄ █
Political User
Sorry to hear about your troubles Joy - best of luck with everything. Nothing new to add here after all the great advice given. Tread lightly and keep it for ammo if needed, nothing to gain by exploting him in a way that may come back to bite you in the end.
Hi Joy

Sorry to hear about the marriage issues.

But first of all hes a rookie- who doesnt clear their history... ¬_¬

Second of all if you get a good Anti-Virus/ Internet Security Program i shouldnt worry too much. But you have to confront him about it just incase you DO get a nasty on your computer compromising your computers security and more importantly your privacy.



Beware the G-Man
Political User
Oh and happy birthday joyojoy. Yeah a few days late but hey. Hope everything has turned out O.K. for you and your daughter. :D


Not all there...
Oh and happy birthday joyojoy. :D
Thanks for the birthday greeting! You were one of two people who remembered (my mom has a good excuse for forgetting since she has alzheimer's). I even forgot it myself because I spent the day kissing Georgia goodbye as I hit the road for California with my daughter and two dogs. We arrived in CA on Friday, and are temporarily settled in with my brother until I can get work and living arrangements worked out. But it's SOOOO nice to have so many miles between me and the soon-to-be-ex. Needless to say, the computer issue is solved by moving across country, but I'm still hanging on to the screen captures in case he gets obnoxious with the finalization of the divorce (by the way, my attorney told me that since I'm not publishing the screen captures or using them for private/commercial gain, there is no problem with keeping them as evidence if needed).


█▄█ ▀█▄ █
Political User
Glad to hear the move went well and you are settled in CA - enjoy the nice weather and good luck finding a job and place to live :)


.. Commodore ..
Political User
Get rid of anything you have on there. This could turn into a spying, trying to dig up any dirt posible on you. And the use of it against you.

[edit]I am glad to hear the move went well[/edit]

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