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Psychiatric ansaphone

#1
Little old, but i'm sure there are some of you haven't read this yet ;)


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New answering service installed by the Royal College of Psychiatry


'Hello and welcome to the mental health hotline:

If you are an obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly

If you are co-dependant, please ask someone to press 2 for you

If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5,and 6

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want.
Stay on the line so we can trace your call

If you are delusional, press 7 and you will be transferred to the mother ship

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press

If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter what you press, no one will answer anyway

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name

If you have short term memory loss, press 9. if you have short term memory loss, press 9. if you have short term memory loss, press 9.
 

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Hello, is there anybody in there? Just nod if you can hear me ...
Xie
What a long strange trip it's been. =)

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