* Electronic Punk once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
* Crop circles are Electronic Punk way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the **** down.
* Electronic Punk is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
* The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Electronic Punk out. It failed miserably.
* Contrary to popular belief, Punk Punk, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
* If you ask Electronic Punk what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
* Electronic Punk drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
* When Electronic Punk sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Electronic Punk has not had to pay taxes, ever.
* The quickest way to a man's heart is with Electronic Punk' fist.
* Electronic Punk invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
* Electronic Punk can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
* There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Electronic Punk allows to live.
* Electronic Punk once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
* In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Electronic Punk
* Electronic Punk is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
* Police label anyone attacking Electronic Punk as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
* Electronic Punk doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
* Electronic Punk doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
* A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Electronic Punk and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
* Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Electronic Punk jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
* Electronic Punk originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Punk replied, "That's no glitch."
* Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Electronic Punk once and he will BAN your ARSE! .
* The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Electronic Punk played in second grade.
* Electronic Punk once shot down a fighter plane in BF2 with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
* Electronic Punk once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Electronic Punk re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
* Electronic Punk has three speeds: Walk, post and Kill.
* Someone once tried to tell Electronic Punk that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
* Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Punktatorship.
* Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Electronic Punk once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
* Simply by pushing on both ends, Electronic Punk can make graphic cards out of sand.
* Electronic Punk is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Electronic Punk
* Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Electronic Punk 's warm-up exercises.
* Electronic Punk is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
* In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Electronic Punk turned that wine into beer....Lots of beer.
* Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Electronic Punk
* Electronic Punk discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Electronic Punk is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Electronic Punk roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
* Electronic Punk ' favorite cereal is Kellogg's Marbles 'N' Gravel.
* The Electronic Punk military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Electronic Punk could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.
* In an average computer room there are 1,242 objects Electronic Punk could use to kill you, including the room itself
* A database crash is the only way to harm Electronic Punk but even then a roundhouse kick too the hardrive and sh*t starts working again.