No lover of dogma
- Jun 14, 2004
OK, these are somewhat old, but what the heck
And for one I made upHomeland Security Chief John Ashcroft dies and shows up at the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter welcomes him and gestures him on through, but Ashcroft balks.
"Wait a minute. This gate sure looks unsecure. There could be terrorists in there!"
"Not to worry," Saint Peter reassures him. "God keeps all the terrorists out."
"One guard keeps them all out? I doubt it! Does he have a high school diploma?"
"No, but he does have knowledge beyond the doctorate level in every subject known to Man, and then some."
"Well, no matter. Many of our FAA guards don't have diplomas either. Has he moved from private sector employment to become a truly professional federal employee?"
"No, you might say he's self-employed."
"That tears it," Aschcroft steams. "I'm going to Hell where there's some serious professionalism!"
"Professionalism?" Saint Peter is aghast. "But that's where all the terrorists go!"
"True enough," replies Ashcroft, turning to go. "But they're vastly outnumbered by federal agents!"
Two friends are discussing current events, when the conversation soon turns to Osama Bin Laden
"Have you heard anything about Osama Bin Laden lattely?"
"Sssshhh, by order of the Homeland Security Officer you shouldn't mention his name anymore."
"Why not? He was supposed to be this big threat, and then silence."
"Because the government doesn't want the embarassment of not finding him brought up. You should know better then that. Honestly, it is your patriotic duty to keep up with our current list of enemies. Today it is Sadaum Heusein."
"And what if the international community doesn't let us go to war with him. Who will be our current enemy then?"
"Someone no country can protect. You know grandpa. The way he turns up his hearing aid to hear the conversation in the next room is positively subversive."
"But doesn't Total Information Awareness already do that for us?"
"Shhh, your subversive speech is going to get us both in trouble"
There's a knock at the door.
"Now, you've done it."