Some Jokes

#1
1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions.

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Girl : Do you love me ?
Boy : Yes Dear
Girl : Would you die for me ?
Boy : No, mine is undying love

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Man : How old is your father ?
Boy : As old as me
Man : How can that be ?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born

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Waiter : I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer : Don't tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.

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Teacher: Simon, your composition on "My Dog" is
exactly the same as your brother's. Did u copy his?
Simon: No, teacher, it's the same dog!

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Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you
anything!
Son : That's why I say she's no good!

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Manager : Sorry, but I can't give u a job. I don't need much help.
Job Applicant: That's all right. In fact, I'm just the right person in
this case. You see, I won't be of much help anyway!

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Teacher: "How do u think Shakespeare wrote such masterpieces?"
College student: "With a pencil, maam, either a 2B or not 2B."

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"Mum, teacher was asking me today if I have any
brothers or sisters who will be coming to school." "That's nice of her to
take such an interest, dear. What did she say when u told her u are the
only child?" "She just said, 'Thank goodness!'"

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Teacher: "Where were u born?"
Student: "Singapore, Sir."
Teacher: "Which part?"
Student: "All of me, Sir."

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Teacher: "Chong, u missed school last Friday."
Chong : "You're wrong, Sir."
Teacher: "Wrong, how is that?"
Chong : "I was absent, yes but I certainly didn't miss it!"

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A teacher was asking her class: "What is the difference between 'unlawful'
and 'illegal'?" Only one hand shot up.
"Ok, answer, Joan," said the teacher.
"'unlawful' is when u do something the law doesn't
allow and 'illegal is a sick eagle."

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Doctor : I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient : Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor : The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24
hours to live.
Patient : 24 hours! That's terrible!! What could be
worse? What's the very bad news?
Doctor : I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.

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Patient : I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here?
Doctor : You've had an accident involving a train.
Patient : What happened?
Doctor : Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would
you like to hear first?
Patient : Well... The bad news first ...
Doctor : Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both
of them.
Patient : That's terrible! What's the good news?
Doctor: There's a guy in the next ward who made a
very good offer on your slippers.

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Patient : How much to have this tooth pulled?
Dentist : $90.00.
Patient : $90.00 for just a few minutes work???
Dentist : I can extract it very slowly if you like.

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Teacher : "How come you do not comb your hair?"
Ah Kow : "No comb, Sir."
Teacher : "Use your dad's then."
Ah Kow : "No hair, Sir."
 

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Perris Calderon wrote on Electronic Punk's profile.
Ep, glad to see you come back and tidy up...did want to ask a one day favor, I want to enhance my resume , was hoping you could make me administrator for a day, if so, take me right off since I won't be here to do anything, and don't know the slightest about the board, but it would be nice putting "served administrator osnn", if can do, THANKS

Been running around Quora lately, luv it there https://tinyurl.com/ycpxl
Electronic Punk wrote on Perris Calderon's profile.
All good still mate?
Hello, is there anybody in there? Just nod if you can hear me ...
Xie
What a long strange trip it's been. =)

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