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Qantas pilots

#1
Wish I had a form like this for IT. I would have the best responses to the "users" :p
---------------
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form called a gripe
sheet,which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft
during the flight which need repair or correction.
The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in
writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the
pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humour.

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as
submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers.
By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Auto-pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: You're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
 
#2
omg hahaha i was eating ice cream it almost came out of my nose coz i was laughing haha soo funny

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
 

Maveric169

The Voices Talk to Me
#3
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

LMAO
 

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