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[Movie Review] Stealth

ray_gillespie

OSNN Veteran Addict
Political User
#1
In a dazzlingly original move, hollywood has decided to release a film about a machine with a mind of its own. Spookily enough it comes alive and goes out of control. But that's enough about Herbie/the new Herbie remake/Short Circuit.

Synopsis: Deeply ensconced in a top-secret military program, three pilots struggle to bring an artificial intelligence program under control ... before it initiates the next world war.

Unofficial Synopsis: Airwolf + The Terminator




Stealth (2005)

A little known fact about this film is that it is actually based upon an animated graphic novel* from the 80s called Jimbo. The writers created what is essentially a long episode of Jimbo, but used less skilled actors and script writers fresh out of kindergarten to give it that 'real world' edge. As far as the story goes, the three pilots mentioned in the tagline are actually three sheep:​



Figure 1. Evidence of sheep.



The so called "artificial intelligence" is in reality a crazy man on a tractor:




Figure 2. A crazy man on a tractor.


If you want to save yourself a few quid, here's a plot summary of Stealth, needless to say there are *Spoilers* ahead:

The first signs that something is wrong is when a jumbo jet manages to squeeze one out on runway 3 at Heathrow Airport:



Figure 3. Flying Herbie, I mean 'Stealth', squeezes one out.


This is obviously bad news, so they just stop the movie and give everyone their money back, but not before they bring in a couple of Spice Girls for a sing-song:​



Figure 4. A couple of Spice Girls.


The End.


Overall, out of 5, I'd give it the middle finger.
 
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muzikool

Act your wage.
Political User
#3
I can't believe anyone is actually seeing this. What a shame that Jamie Foxx goes from Ray to a piece of crap like this. Ray, that's the most creative, and possibly the most entertaining movie review I've seen here!

5/5 OSNN Stars for the review
 

Son Goku

No lover of dogma
#4
I saw it opening night last week. Ironically however, I didn't end up having to pay... To make a long story short, I left in plenty of time to get there for a midnight showing, but got tied up on the Interstate and the like. I was made a bit late, and usually one has until 15 minutes after the last showtime before they close the ticket booth.

I was there within that time despite the traffic, but they closed it earlier. Anyhow, I went in when someone was comming out and inquired about their website showing a 12 am show on the schedule. The manager was like "oh we'll let you in". I was like "well if management says it's OK. Just wouldn't want to get busted for being there without a ticket after I'm told I can go in". Another (perhaps head manager) was like "oh, not a problem..." I've been there somewhat often, which is perhaps why they allowed it.

Anyhow, all in all I thought it was OK. I definitely wouldn't rate it up there with something like LotR or The Matrix. But I was entertained, unlike watching Cold Creek Manner or the like :( :p My view could be somewhat effected by the fact I didn't pay to see it as well, however.

Looking at what ray_gillespie posted, if they stook the story to sheep and a farmer on a tractor, this is one case where I think I would definitely have not liked them sticking to the book.
 

gonaads

Beware the G-Man
Political User
#5
Hahaha!!! Now that is what I call a review. Excellent work ray_gillespie. Most thought out and I would say probably more entertaining than the movie. And NO, I have not and will not see this movie. :D
 

Sazar

F@H - Is it in you?
Staff member
Political User
#13
Khayman said:
Saw it yesterday. Ummm it looked good, at least i thought so.

I guess i'm easy to entertain
It's that ring, its corrupted yo pooah l'il mind!!!

:dead:
 

Khayman

I'm sorry Hal...
Political User
#14
Nobody claimed it was Shakespeare, but it had a hot woman fast planes loads of explosions and cool effects. Seems to be a average popcorn no brainer to me. And there's always a place for them
 
#16
i'm actually looking forward to seeing this movie sooner or later, whether in theater or rental, and i think your review made me want to see it more, just for spite. first off, i don't see how you can really call what you did a "review" of Stealth when it seemed more like a story about an old cartoon. usually review's give information about the movie being reviewed.... not more information about a cartoon you say it was based on and retweaked to be more realistic. now..... i don't know about everyone else here..... but to ME it appears that you made a review of a movie that you sat down to watch for 5 minutes, walked out, looked for something that resembled it in some way, shape, or form, and are looking to be honored for doing so. I really wish i could get the last 5 minutes of my life back wasted by reading your so-called "review", and typing this post in an effort to try to make you look like more of an idiot than a reviewer.

P.S. sorry for the rant..... but to me what i just said seems true if you look back at his "review" again.
 

muzikool

Act your wage.
Political User
#19
ElementalDragon said:
i'm actually looking forward to seeing this movie sooner or later, whether in theater or rental, and i think your review made me want to see it more, just for spite. first off, i don't see how you can really call what you did a "review" of Stealth when it seemed more like a story about an old cartoon. usually review's give information about the movie being reviewed.... not more information about a cartoon you say it was based on and retweaked to be more realistic. now..... i don't know about everyone else here..... but to ME it appears that you made a review of a movie that you sat down to watch for 5 minutes, walked out, looked for something that resembled it in some way, shape, or form, and are looking to be honored for doing so. I really wish i could get the last 5 minutes of my life back wasted by reading your so-called "review", and typing this post in an effort to try to make you look like more of an idiot than a reviewer.

P.S. sorry for the rant..... but to me what i just said seems true if you look back at his "review" again.

Did you make this movie yourself, because you seem to be taking it a bit personally. :ermm: It is completely obvious that this is not a true and accurate review of the actual movie. He shouldn't have to put a disclaimer on a post that is blatantly satirical just to avoid being flamed for it. Besides, everyone else in this thread enjoyed it, and I'm pretty sure he wasn't looking to be "honored." :rolleyes:
 

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