I.T Quotes - Quite Funny

SkazzyUK

XP-erience Oldie
#1
Here We Are:


"Computers are useless. They can only give you answers."
Pablo Picasso.

"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning."
Rich Cook.

"Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer."
Rita May Brown.

"All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men."
Isaac Asimov.

"To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer."
Paul Ehrlich.

"The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity."
Patrick Murray.

"Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers."
Leonard Brandwein.

"UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity."
Dennis Ritchie.

"The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again."
Al Goodman.

"The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit."
Eric Porterfield.


SkaZZy :D
 

SkazzyUK

XP-erience Oldie
#3
And Some More - I Know You Love Em!

"When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her."
Sacha Guitry.

"There is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught me with another woman. I wouldn't stand for that."
Steve Martin.

"Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife."
Groucho Marx.

"In married life three is company and two none."
Oscar Wilde.

"It was a perfect marriage. She didn't want to and he couldn't."
Spike Milligan.

"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher."
Socrates.

"The General was essentially a man of peace, except of course in his domestic affairs."
Oscar Wilde.

"Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage."
Ambrose Bierce.

"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."
Groucho Marx.

"My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe."
Jimmy Durante.

SkaZZy :D
 

spikemic

OSNN Senior Addict
#6
"Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window" - Steve Wozniak

"Computers make it easier to do alot of things, but most of the things they make easier to do don't need to be done." - Andy Rooney

" 'To Start Press Any Key.' Where's the ANY key? I see Esk [ESC], Catarl [CTRL], and Pig-Up [PGUP]. There doesn't seem to be an ANY key. Woo! All this computer hacking is making me thirsty. I think I'll order a TAB." -Homer Simpson
 
N

ncc1704

Guest
#7
"Can't find any key-board. Press F1 to continue pres F2 to reboot."

"Computers solves problems that we've dint have if there waren't computers"

"Computers don't make mistakes....they only make errors"

"If windows has an error...i only may click on 'OK'....no an error isn't OK!"

"Why doe I have to wait 20 sec. before I can work with my computer... when I start my car it works direct!"

"What's the meaning of a windows key on a LINUX machine?"

"If i want to stop with windows i have to press the START button ???"


Helpdesk slogans:
(H = helpdesk; C = Caller)
----

C: "Hello, ive got a problem with my computer"
H: "Yes sir, are you sitting behind your computer?"
C: "No, one moment please..."
H: "So wat do you see?"
C: "A lot wires"

----

C: "Hello, i've got problems with my printer"
H: "What kind of printer do you have?"
C: "Hewlat packord?"
H: "Hewlett Packard, ok... color or black white?"
C: "Beige!"

-----
 

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Perris Calderon wrote on Electronic Punk's profile.
Ep, glad to see you come back and tidy up...did want to ask a one day favor, I want to enhance my resume , was hoping you could make me administrator for a day, if so, take me right off since I won't be here to do anything, and don't know the slightest about the board, but it would be nice putting "served administrator osnn", if can do, THANKS

Been running around Quora lately, luv it there https://tinyurl.com/ycpxl
Electronic Punk wrote on Perris Calderon's profile.
All good still mate?
Hello, is there anybody in there? Just nod if you can hear me ...
Xie
What a long strange trip it's been. =)

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