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For all who hate job interviews

R

Ramanuman

Guest
#1
God, I hate applying for jobs ! (The only thing worst than having one.)

I have to find work for the summer, until I go back to my MA. And I just suck at answering the idiotic questions that some newly grad from a business managment BA has designed to know if I'll be the perfect slave.

-"What motivates you to come work as a phone representative for our bank ?"
-"Well, uh, my deep passion for phones and banks ?..."
(The salary, you idiot !!!)

Anyway. Here's a funny document that I can relate to.
It's a McDonald's application form that some French guy filled. I translated it for a friend and thought I'd share it with you.

I sympathise so much with him, and take great comfort in knowing that he got the job. (Although at McDonald's...)
It makes me hope I'll eventually hit an interviewer with some brains.

--------------------------------------------------

1. NAME
Hervé Janqueur

2. AGE
28

3. DESIRED POSITION
Horizontal, as much as possible.
More seriously, anything.
If I really had a choice, I wouldn't be here.

4. WHAT SALARY WOULD YOU LIKE
800,000 francs/year, plus shares in the company (payable in advance).
If that's not possible, make an offer and we will negociate.

5. EDUCATION
Yes.

6. LAST POSITION OCCUPIED
Target of choice for a sadistic manager.

7. SALARY AT YOUR LAST JOB
Much less than my actual worth.

8. ACHIEVEMENTS (IN THAT JOB)
An incredible collection of stolen pens, displayed at the moment in my appartment.

9. REASON FOR LEAVING
See question 6.

10. AVAILABILITY
Anytime.

11. DESIRED SCHEDULE
From 1pm to 3pm, monday, tuesday and thursday.

12. DO YOU HAVE PARTICULAR DISPOSITIONS
Yes, it's been pointed out to me. But they are better explained in a more intimate environment than a fast-food restaurant.

13. CAN WE CONTACT YOUR PRESENT EMPLOYER
If I had one, I wouldn't be here.

14. DOES YOUR PHYSICAL STATE FORBID YOU TO CARRY WEIGHTS OF MORE THAN 20 KG
It depends : 20 kg of what ?

15. DO YOU HAVE A CAR
Yes, but the question is wrongly formulated. You should ask : "Do you have a car that can run ?". The answer would certainly be different then.

16. HAVE YOU EVER WON A CONTEST OR OBTAINED AN AWARD
No award, but I won at the lottery twice.

17. DO YOU SMOKE
Only when I'm being kissed

18. WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING 5 YEARS FROM NOW
Living in the Bahamas with a rich top-model who adores me.
Actually, I'd like to be doing that right now, if you happen to know a solution.

19. DO YOU CERTIFY THAT ALL THE INFORMATION ABOVE IS CORRECT
No, but I challenge you to prove otherwise.

20. WHAT IS YOUR MAIN MOTIVATION FOR WORKING HERE
1) The love of just causes, humaneness, and a deep desire to help others eating. Or
2) Indebtment.
 
R

Ramanuman

Guest
#5
Seems to me, if I was the employer interviewing candidates and someone answered me with those pre-fabricated replies they teach you :

-"What's your main weakness as an employee ?"
-"Sometimes I work too much !"

I'd simply laugh so hard and kick his/her sorry butt out so fast !
 
#8
Lately all my friends have been gettings jobs where the companies obviously don't even read the apps...they are either getting desperate for networking people...or just want to meet some odd idiot employee quota heh
 

Bytes Back

Ex Police Chief
#9
Funniest thing that happened to me over jobs was when I had two interviews about 2 hours apart.

The first job was offered to me there and then, but I thought as I had arranged it I should still go to the second. They offered me the job as well, So I just sweetly sat there and bargained my way to much more money. :D
 

Bytes Back

Ex Police Chief
#12
Originally posted by silent_bob
Luky for u BB. I've bin lookin for a job for months now but there aint any !!!!!

:( :(
Bummer :mad:

Mind you, this was back in the late eighties when jobs were two a penny :)

I found the only way to get a good job, especially down here in the dead end of nowhere, is to create one. Find a hole in the market and fill it.
 
R

Ramanuman

Guest
#15
Luky for u BB. I've bin lookin for a job for months now but there aint any !!!!!
Tell me about it.
Now I'm at the point where I'll have to start looking for dishwashing jobs, if I want to have food money.

In other words, the damn BA I just got didn't change anything : I'll have to go back to the type of work I was doing during highschool.

I just pray I won't have to go as low as McDonald's. :eek:

Lately all my friends have been gettings jobs where the companies obviously don't even read the apps...they are either getting desperate for networking people...or just want to meet some odd idiot employee quota heh
Maybe I should've listened to all those career counsellors back then, and gone studying in a computer related field... :rolleyes:
 

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