• This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn more.

Darwin Awards

#1
More of the following can be found at http://www.darwinawards.com/ :rolleyes:

Note: What I find interesting is that the majority of these happened in the USA.


Yes, these are all true. They are finally out again. You all know about the
Darwin Awards. It's an annual honour given to the person who did the gene
pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily
stupid way.

Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which
toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of
it. And the nominees this year are:

9. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply,
because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk.
Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the
fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his house
down, killing both him and his sister.

8. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home died of
suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6' 2" tall and
weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and
white saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying to
create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas mask
that had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its
place. The other end of the hose was connected to one end of a hollow tube
approx. 12" long and 3" in diameter. The tube's other end
was inserted into his rectum for reasons unknown, and was the cause of his
suffocation. Police found the task of explaining the circumstances of his
death to his family very awkward.

7. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when
another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the occupants
of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They
were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles.

6. A police officer in Ohio responded to a 911 call. She had no details
before arriving, except that someone had reported that his father was not
breathing. Upon arrival, the officer found the man face down on the couch
naked. When she rolled him over to check for a pulse and to start
CPR, she noticed burn marks around his genitals. After the ambulance arrived
and removed the man - who was declared dead on arrival at the hospital-the
police made a closer inspection of the couch, and noticed that the man had
made a hole between the cushions. Upon flipping the couch over, they
discovered what had caused his death. Apparently, the man had a habit of
putting his ***** between the cushions, down into the hole and between two
electrical sanders (with the sandpaper removed, for obvious reasons).
According to the story, after his orgasm the discharge shorted out one of the sanders, electrocuting him.

5. A 27-year-old French woman lost control of her car on a highway near
Marseilles and crashed into a tree, seriously injuring her passenger and
killing herself. As a commonplace road accident, this would not have
qualified for a Darwin nomination, were it not for the fact that the
driver's attention had been distracted by her Tamagotchi key ring, which had
started urgently beeping for food as she drove along. In an attempt to
press the correct buttons to save the Tamagotchi's life, the woman lost her
own.

4. A 22-year-old, Glade Drive, Reston, VA, man was found dead after he tried
to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle. Fairfax
County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these
straps together, wrapped one end around one foot, anchored the other end to
the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement.
Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was
alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he had
assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground"
Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major trauma."

3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a
friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The
friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was hospitalised.

2. Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of
a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building extinguishing all
potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the building had
been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon
entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the
dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later
described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and
retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of
the lighter like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces
of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the
lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast
had never been thought of as 'bright' by his peers.
AND THE WINNER.....

1. Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt Sanchez
tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course.
Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez managed
to straddle the ball washer and dangle his scrotum in the machine. Much to
his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank on the
machine with Sanchez's scrotum in place, thus wedging them solidly in the mechanism.
Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain, collapsed and tumbled
from his perch. Unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of the ball washer was
more than a foot higher off the ground than his testicles are in a normal
stance, and the scrotum was the weakest link.
Sanchez's scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was
plucked from him forever and remained in the ball washer, while the other
testicle was compressed and flattened as it was pulled between the housing
of the washer, and the rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury,
Sanchez broke a new $300.00 driver that he had just purchased from the pro
shop, and was using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital
for surgery, and the remaining threesome were asked to leave the course.

NB: This last one wouldn't normally count, because the idiot didn't die. But
because he cannot reproduce as a result of his qualifying act of stupidity,
we have allowed it.
 

Sazar

F@H - Is it in you?
Staff member
Political User
#3
Originally posted by Benny
Doh!

The last one is painfull... (to read that is, i'm sure they all ain't to pleasant)
the term... coitus rippedapartus comes to mind :)

think twice before fornicating with a ball washer... :D
 

Lighter

. . . . . . . . .
#5
Originally posted by Sazar
the term... coitus rippedapartus comes to mind :)

think twice before fornicating with a ball washer... :D
There should be an award for "Best response to reading the Darwin Awards." Sazar, you'd certainly be nominated. :D
 
#9
Originally posted by Lighter
For those who don't know, aren't sure or think they have the potential to qualify for the award, the official Darwin Awards site is located at http://www.darwinawards.com/.
Didn't even bother to type the url into a browser to check blinden.
I just received it via e-mail and though it'd raise a few laughs.
But as Lighter more usefully pointed out, the site has a name.
If that's where they're from, then I agree they do deserve the link.

Consider original post updated. ;)
 

blinden

OSNN Senior Addict
#10
Originally posted by Erbmaster
Didn't even bother to type the url into a browser to check blinden.
I just received it via e-mail and though it'd raise a few laughs.
But as Lighter more usefully pointed out, the site has a name.
If that's where they're from, then I agree they do deserve the link.

Consider original post updated. ;)
i know site, but that doesn't mean everyone does. you need to credit things you post
 

Lighter

. . . . . . . . .
#11
Originally posted by blinden
i know site, but that doesn't mean everyone does. you need to credit things you post
Hey, credit was given. So it was delayed, the posts were edited with the source info as soon as it was realized. Go easy on 'em...
 

Sazar

F@H - Is it in you?
Staff member
Political User
#12
Originally posted by blinden
i know site, but that doesn't mean everyone does. you need to credit things you post
when posting news it is imperative for proper credit to be given...

it is expected and it is the proper etiquette to do so...

however when posting in forums... though it is courteous and recommended to link to an article or site whose material is being sourced... it is not required...

it is appreciated that the original poster did the proper thing and link and kudos to him and blinden... your point is noted.. :)

recommend everyone who would like to point out something in a threadstarters post of the manner in question to consider using the PM button :)

now... back to the fun

(July 2002, Wisconsin) Two drunks were goofing around, when one challenged the other to shoot him with cigarette butts "to see what it would feel like." His friend obligingly loaded a gun with three cigarette butts, placing ammunition behind the butts to make sure they left the barrel of the gun. He then shot his friend from a distance of seven feet. The friend who issued the challenge died of two cigarette butts to the head, and one to the heart.
The gene pool is in trouble!
this is from the darwin site and I thought it is particularly appropriate for those amongst us who play fps :D
 

Sazar

F@H - Is it in you?
Staff member
Political User
#13
another winner...

(7 March 2002, Colorado) When Gerald was pulled over by police for erratic driving, he decided it was better to flee from the stolen car on foot, rather than face possible jail time for a parole violation. This was the first of two successive mental lapses. Gerald’s actual thoughts are unknown, but *may* have been something like this: "The officers are only suspicious and alert now... I’ll make them hot, sweaty, tired, and angry by leading them on a wild chase through dark alleys and fields."
During the subsequent foot chase, Gerald attempted to dissuade officers from the pursuit by firing a 9mm Ruger semiautomatic handgun blindly over his shoulder. This was the second illustration of a potential mental deficiency. "Officers are running behind me. They have guns. I have a gun! They have eyes in the front of their heads, so they can see to aim at me. I don't have eyes in the back of my head, so I’ll fire wildly behind me and see what happens!"

Unfortunately, Gerald appears to have been one of those folks who can't chew gum and walk at the same time. Or at least he couldn’t flee and fire at the same time. While discharging the weapon over his shoulder, Gerald managed to shoot himself in the head with his own gun, bringing the chase to a sudden conclusion.

Four shots were fired, none by the officers, who found Gerald's pistol next to his fallen body. Gerald was transported to a local hospital where he expired the following day, thus removing a set of genes deficient in both judgment and coordination from the gene pool.
lmao... that's just gotta be one of the dumbest ways to go...

please folks... don't try this @ home...
 
#15
Originally posted by blinden
i know site, but that doesn't mean everyone does. you need to credit things you post
Everyone including me, until I read Lighter's post. :p :rolleyes: ;)

Think this one's been put to bed now mate. The link heads the opening post (now). Lesson learnt, wrist slapped.

Just out of interest. If you post something and don't know it's origin, how can you credit it? Aloof comments don't help. Corrections leads/links do. nuff said.
 

Members online

No members online now.

Latest posts

Latest profile posts

Hello, is there anybody in there? Just nod if you can hear me ...
Xie
What a long strange trip it's been. =)

Forum statistics

Threads
61,961
Messages
673,239
Members
89,014
Latest member
sanoravies