Your Daily Zen Meditations...

Discussion in 'Funny Farm' started by AndrejX, Oct 26, 2002.

  1. AndrejX

    AndrejX Guest

    1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead
    of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either.
    Leave me the hell alone.

    2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan
    belt and two flat tires.

    3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal
    your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

    4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.

    5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

    6. No one is listening until you make a mistake.

    7. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

    8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

    9. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a
    warning to others.

    10. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of
    car payments.

    11. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
    That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have
    their shoes.

    12. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

    13. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish,
    and he will sit in a boat & drink beer all day.

    14. If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was
    probably worth it.

    15. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

    16. If you drink, don't park; accidents cause people.

    17. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the FIRST time you do "it."

    18. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of THAT
    comes from bad judgment.

    19. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put
    it back in your pocket.

    20. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

    21. Duct tape is like "the force," it has a light side & a dark side,
    and it holds the universe together.

    22. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

    23. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth
    is moving.

    24. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

    25. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

    26. We are born naked, wet and hungry, then things get WORSE.
  2. funky dredd

    funky dredd Moderator