1. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization. 2. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a women tries to clean his wounds. 3. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth. 4. All telephone numbers in North America begin with the digits 555. 5. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris. 6. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day Parade, any time of the year. 7. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to armpit level on a woman, but only to waist level on a man lying next to her. 8. It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down. 9. Once applied, lipstick will never rub-off - even when scuba diving. 10. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty. There is never any dust or lint in them either. 11. If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition - even if you haven't had any before now. 12. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home. 13.Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do. 14. If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition. 15. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long. 16. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare. 17. Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering the kitchen at night, you should open the refrigerator door and use that light instead. 18. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon, and waffles for their family every morning even though their husband and children never have time to eat it. 19. Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames. 20. Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant, with sweat on their faces. 21. It is not necessary to say hello, or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations. 22. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red read-outs so you know exactly when they are going to go off. 23. It is always possible to park directly outside of the building you are visiting. 24. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty. 25. If you decide to start dancing on the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps. 26. It doesn't matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors. 27. No one involved in a car crash, hijacking, explosions, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock. 28. Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite. 29. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other. 30. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment. 31. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread. And that is what I have learned from the movies. Enjoy.