1. Delete their "Internet" icon. (<whine>You deleted the Internet!</whine>) 2. Set the home page to http://www.halcyon.com/mclain/ActiveX/Exploder Internet Exploder. 3. Change their bookmarks to point to anti M$ sites. 4. Set their font colors to white on white. 5. Tell them about Linux. Their heads will burst in to flame after the first word. 6. Reformat their hard drive and tell them IE 4 did it. (If IE 4 has not actually done that already). 7. Disfigure the picture of Bill Gates that they worship. 8. Change their default browser to Lynx. 9. Fill their desktop with IE shortcut icons. Watch them get dizzy and pass out. 10. Tug on their Borg implants. 11. Create a shortcut on their desktop with the IE icon, but pointed to Netscape. 12. Install an alternate desktop shell on their Windoze 98. 13. Uninstall IE 4 -- from Windows 98. 14. Fix their virus scanner to detect Internet Explorer as a virus. (Why not? It IS a virus after all!) 15. Refer them to a really cool web page... that can not be viewed in IE. 16. Winnuke them over the internet. 17. Tell them that since they have the "English" version they need to download the "Metric" version of IE. 18. Set his 21" monitor to display at 640*480*256@60hz... oh wait, that's what it's already set to. 19. Hide the task bar. 20. Convince them that FTP stands for something obscene. 21. Why bother torturing them? If they have Internet Explorer, they probably have enough problems already. 22. Change the channel bar. 23. Put a self.close() command in the local blank.htm page. 24. Set their DUN to auto dial Japan. 25. Run circles around their computer with a PC XT running DOS. 26. Have some fun with REGEDIT! 27. Tell them horror stories about people being abducted over the internet through IE. 28. Hit them over the head with a Macintosh 29. Copy c:\command.com c:\windows\system\mshtml.dll 30. Ask them to start any other application while using IE. Chug, Chug, Chug... 31. Have contests to see who's Internet Explorer can run the longest before crashing. Record so far: 10 minutes. 32. Perform an exorcism on their computer. 33. When you find out they use IE run away screaming something about an alien popping out of their chest. 34. Remove all their fonts except wingdings. 35. Use their IE CD as a pooper scooper. 36. Unplug their modem. Then unplug their telephone so they can't call technical support. 37. Disable disk caching on their hard drive. Can you spell "eternity"? 38. When they call for tech support, tell them they need to uninstall IE. 39. Give their computer to aliens and watch the aliens laugh at it. 40. Donate their computer to underprivileged children who could not otherwise afford to be assimilated. 41. Wipe your butt with their computer. 42. Embalm the browser 43. "Borrow" some of their ram chips. 44. Show them my "Reasons not to install Internet Explorer" page. 45. Run over their computer with your car. 46. Associate ALL of their file types with Notepad. 47. Load a program that retracts their "cup holder" at random intervals. <Splash!> 48. Set proxies when they don't need them. 49. Let them install IE from 360k floppy disks. 50. See if their Internet Explorer can stand a sudden charge of 1.21 gigawatts - while they are using it. 51. Melt holes in their IE CD with a magnifying glass. 52. Put a Post-It on the bottom of their mouse. 53. Replace Command.com with Reboot.com. 54. Have fun with the Klingon font and font substitution. 55. Import the contents of their swap file in to a WAV file and set it to play at startup. 56: Start regedit, go to HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\SOFTWARE\Microsoft\Internet Explorer\Main and change the string value named "Window Title" to something obscene.