After digging to a depth of 100m last year, Russian scientists found traces of copper wiring dating back 1000 years, and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network one thousand years ago. Not to be outdone, American scientists soon dug 200m, and headlines in the US newspapers read: "US scientists have found traces of 2000 year old optical fibres, and have concluded that their ancestors already had high-tech digital telephones 1000 years before the Russians. One week later, the Irish press reported that "After digging as deep as 500m, Irish scientists have found absolutely nothing. They have concluded that 5000 years ago, their ancestors were already using mobile phones." Comments Sports Commentators Wish They Could Take Back 1. Weightlifting commentator at the Olympic Snatch and Jerk Event: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up, and it was amazing." 2. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator: "This is really a lovely horse, and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother." 3. Grand Prix Race Announcer: "The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical to the one in front of the similar one in back." 4. Greg Norman, Pro Golfer: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father." 5. Ringside Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries and even some deaths in boxing - but none of them really that serious." 6. Baseball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again." 7. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot, and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact, you can see it all over their faces." 8. At a trophy ceremony BBC TV Boat Race 1988: "Ah, isn't that nice; the wife of the Cambridge president is hugging the cox of the Oxford crew." 9. Metro Radio, College Football: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field." 10. US Open TV Commentator: "One of the reasons Arnie Palmer is playing so well is that before each final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. Oh my God, what have I just said?!"