Things you learn from the movies

Discussion in 'Funny Farm' started by ZeroHour, Jan 21, 2005.

  1. ZeroHour

    ZeroHour ho3 ho3 ho3

    1. Large, loft-style apartments in New York are within the price range of most people, whether they are employed or not.

    2. At least one out of every pair of identical twins is born evil.

    3. Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut.

    4. During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

    5. If you are blonde and pretty, it's possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at age 22.

    6. Radiation causes interesting mutations, not to your future children, but to you, right then and there.

    7. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

    8. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

    9. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will soon be thrown through it.

    10. Most dogs are immortal.

    11.Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary toturn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every fewmoments.

    12. Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say "Enter password now".

    13. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

    14.You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make themistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

    15. All grocery bags contain at least one loaf of French bread.

    16. It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

    17.Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will notbe necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

    18. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

    19. Honest and hardworking policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before retirement.

    20.It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involvingmartial arts; your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by oneby dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked outtheir predecessors.

    21. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

    22. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone else on the street will know all the steps.

    23.All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large redreadouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

    24. The White House can be seen from any window in D.C.

    25.Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill theirarch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulleysystems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allowtheir captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

    26. Policedepartments give their officers personality tests to make sure they aredeliberately assigned a partner who is their opposite.

    27. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.