The things people wont say

Discussion in 'Funny Farm' started by Burpster, Jan 23, 2003.

  1. Burpster

    Burpster Guest

    Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

    Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever."
    - Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest

    "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
    - Mariah Carey

    "I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."
    - David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.

    "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
    - Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal antismoking campaign

    "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."
    -Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward

    "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country."
    - Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC

    "We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees."
    - Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks

    "I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves."
    - John Wayne

    "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
    - Former US Vice-president Dan Quayle (Right on, Danny!!!)

    "I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
    - Former US Vice-president Dan Quayle (You da man, Danny!)

    "It's no exaggeration to say that the undecided could go one way or another."
    -George Bush, US President

    "I have opinions of my own -strong opinions- but I don't always agree with them."
    -George Bush, US President

    "We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
    -Lee Iacocca

    "The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
    -Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback and sports analyst

    "We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
    -Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor

    "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
    -Dan Quayle

    "We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
    -Dan Quayle

    "Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
    -Keppel Enderbery

    "The loss of life will be irreplaceable."
    -Dan Quayle

    "I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have is that I didn't study my Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people."
    -Dan Quayle

    "What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is."
    -Dan Quayle

    "It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago..."
    -Dan Quayle

    "Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
    -Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

    "If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night asthey go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
    -Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
     
  2. Hipster Doofus

    Hipster Doofus Good grief Charlie Brown

    Messages:
    5,920
    Location:
    Melbourne Australia
    If that's our prominent & so called leaders...........What hope have the rest of us got? :eek:
     
  3. Tabula Rasa

    Tabula Rasa Stranger Than Kindness Political User

    Messages:
    3,233
    Location:
    Israel
    hahahahaha :D :D
    Excellent.
     
  4. Burpster

    Burpster Guest

    the mariah carey one kills me ...lol
     
  5. Krux

    Krux Nissan Powered

    Messages:
    1,649
    Dan Quayle is a flippin moron I swear!