Squirell menace +

Discussion in 'Funny Farm' started by Kirrie2001, Aug 15, 2002.

  1. Kirrie2001

    Kirrie2001 Guest

    A nun is sitting with her Mother Superior, chatting. "I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible about it."
    "When did you use this awful language?" asks the elder.
    "Well, I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 280 yards, but it struck a phone line that's hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards."
    "Is that when you swore?"
    "No, Mother," says the nun. "After that a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in its mouth and began to run away."
    "Is THAT when you swore?" asks the Mother Superior again.
    "Well, no." says the nun. "You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!"
    "Is THAT when you swore?" asks the amazed elder nun.
    "No, not yet. As the eagle carried the squirrel away in its claws, it flew near the green and the squirrel dropped my ball."
    "Did you swear THEN?" asked Mother Superior, becoming impatient.
    "No, because the ball fell on a big rock, bounced over the sand trap, rolled onto the green, and stopped about a foot from the hole."
    The two nuns were silent for a moment. Then Mother Superior sighed and asked, "You missed the f******g putt, didn't you?"

    Liana was a beautiful girl. As she was walking through the woods on a hot summers day, the heat became too much for her and she decided to go for a swim. She took off all her clothes, piled them neatly on the side of the riverbank and dove in.
    A couple of young boys came along and decided to steal her clothes.
    Having gotten out of the water and discovered her clothes had been stolen,
    Liana decided to go to the roadside and hitch a ride home.
    Along came Steve, riding a bicycle. He stopped for Liana. "Come," he said, "I'll ride you into town."
    She jumped on his bicycle and rode side-saddle in front of him. Steve said
    nothing, but after ten minutes Liana was so overwhelmed at how calm he
    was that she said, "Tell me, haven't you noticed that I'm completely naked?"
    "Sure," said Steve. "Haven't you noticed that you're riding on a girls bike?"

  2. damnyank

    damnyank I WILL NOT FORGET 911

    Petal, Mississippi

    BTW Kirrie where have ya been hiding? Sure hope ya been doing okay! We (I) sure missed your jokes and comments!

  3. Jewelzz

    Jewelzz OSNN Godlike Veteran

    Kirrie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Welcome Back!!!! We missed you ;)
  4. damnyank

    damnyank I WILL NOT FORGET 911

    Petal, Mississippi
    OK - it's official - I should have left the WE in my response!:D
  5. Kirrie2001

    Kirrie2001 Guest

    Hi there folks, nice to be back again. Have been in dry dock having a digit removed. OH BOY, have I left myself open to something here.
    Thanks for your welcome everyone, nice to see your smiling faces.
    hehe, work that one out.

    Love ya all.
  6. xsivforce

    xsivforce Prodigal Son Folding Team

    Texas, USA
    Good to have have you back Kirrie ! :)
  7. damnyank

    damnyank I WILL NOT FORGET 911

    Petal, Mississippi
    Let's hope the "digit" you are referring to is a finger!

    Hopefully not one of the lower extremities!

    <damnyank thinks> - gotta to remember the 13 year olds

    But us adults know what I am referring to!
    :D :D :D

    Kirrie - I read ya like a book!
  8. gonaads

    gonaads Beware the G-Man Political User Folding Team

    Good ta have ya back Kirrie2001.

    Hope ya dooin well. I hope the "digit" wasn't too serious of a thing.

    Well Shitt if ya lose a Digit it must have been serious.

    How may cool Drugs they give ya?:D
  9. Bytes Back

    Bytes Back Ex Police Chief

    Woohoo !!! Kirries Back !!!!

    Glad to see it wasn't your typing digit. :D
  10. Electronic Punk

    Electronic Punk Administrator Staff Member Political User Folding Team

    Copenhagen, Denmark