Rules women need to learn about men

Discussion in 'Funny Farm' started by ZeroHour, Aug 26, 2004.

  1. ZeroHour

    ZeroHour ho3 ho3 ho3

    We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

    These are our rules:

    1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
    You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
    We need it up, you need it down.
    You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

    2. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
    or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

    3. Shopping is NOT a sport.

    And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

    4. Crying is blackmail.

    5. Ask for what you want.
    Let us be clear on this one:
    Subtle hints do not work!
    Strong hints do not work!
    Obvious hints do not work!
    Just say it!

    6. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

    7. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
    That's what we do.
    Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

    8. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
    See a doctor.

    9. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
    In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

    10. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls,
    don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

    11. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
    Don't ask us.

    12. If something we said can be interpreted two ways
    and one of the ways makes you sad or angry,
    we meant the other one.

    13. You can either ask us to do something
    or tell us how you want it done.
    Not both.
    If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

    14. Whenever possible,
    please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

    15. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

    16. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
    Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
    We have no idea what mauve is.

    17. If it itches, it will be scratched.
    We do that.

    18. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing,"
    we will act like nothing's wrong.
    We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

    19. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
    expect an answer you don't want to hear.

    20. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear
    is fine...Really.

    21. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are
    prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

    22. You have enough clothes.

    23. You have too many shoes.

    24. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

    25. Thank you for reading this.
    Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
    but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

    * If you like me jokes please can you give me some rep points ;) *
    Admiral Michael, LordOfLA and delta4s like this.
  2. LocKStocK

    LocKStocK Smokin & Jokin

    ROFL, think I'll show my mrs this one ;-)
  3. ApparitionX

    ApparitionX Sick of it all.

    yeah man...I think I'm gonna print that and make a poster.
  4. Perris Calderon

    Perris Calderon Moderator Staff Member Political User

    new york

    I love the toilet seat thingy...I never understood why there's even an issue...jeeze

    lots of fun reading while I'm waiting for my flight...thanx
  5. Lee

    Lee OSNN Proxy

    Well perris myself I always put down the seat and the lid after taking a 'whiZzz'.

    The toilet seat up and down thing is not a man nor a woman thing.

    Just posted thread to the Womens rights organisation. hope they enjoy the read.
  6. American Zombie

    American Zombie Moderator Staff Member Political User

  7. gonaads

    gonaads Beware the G-Man Political User Folding Team

    Great read. :D

    I too don't understand the Toilet Seat thing. I don't like any part of it up. I put both the seat and the lid down. I hate lookin in the toilet. Completely covered is the way to go. :)
  8. Lee

    Lee OSNN Proxy

    Wish my woman would quit asking me questions during tv programmes and wait for the adverts.

    Then on the other hand some adverts are more interesting than listening to her moaning.
  9. Geffy

    Geffy Moderator Folding Team

    United Kingdom
    A female friend of mine emailed these to me sometime last year :p