Play On words some language

Discussion in 'Funny Farm' started by drz01, Jun 14, 2005.

  1. drz01

    drz01 Weekend DJ

    Messages:
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    Location:
    Toronto
    Don't know if it's current, but it's witty.........

    The Washington Post's Style Invitational once again asked readers to take
    any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing
    one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners:

    Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright
    ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign
    of breaking down in the near future.

    Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
    getting laid.

    Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject
    financially impotent for an indefinite period.

    Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

    Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person
    who doesn't get it.

    Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

    Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.

    Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

    Karmageddon (n): It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really
    bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a
    serious bummer.

    Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming
    only things that a! re good for you.

    Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

    Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they
    come at you rapidly.

    Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've
    accidentally walked through a spider web.

    Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your
    bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

    Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the
    fruit you're eating.

    And the pick of the literature:

    Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an *******.

    1. Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi

    2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton

    3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope

    4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1
    bananosecond

    5. Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram

    6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour
    =Knotfurlong

    7. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Sterling

    8. Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon

    9. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz

    10. Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower

    11 Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line

    12. 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake

    13. 1 million microphones = 1 megaphone

    14. 2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles

    15. 365.25 days = 1 unicycle

    16. 2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds

    17. 52 cards = 1 decacards

    18. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 FigNewton

    19. 1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen

    20. 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche

    21. 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin

    22. 10 rations = 1 decoration

    23. 100 rations = 1 C-ration

    24. 2 monograms = 1 diagram

    25. 4 nickels = 2 paradigms

    26. 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University
    Hospital = 1 IV League

    27. 100 Senators = Not 1 decision
     
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  2. LordOfLA

    LordOfLA Godlike!

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    haha I like some of these :D
     
  3. Admiral Michael

    Admiral Michael Michaelsoft Systems CEO Folding Team

  4. joyojoy

    joyojoy Not all there...

    Messages:
    250
    Location:
    Sacramento Area
    But wait! There's more!...

    Those were so hilarious I had to e-mail them to some friends, and when I opened up my e-mail to send it, this was waiting for me:

    FOR ALL YOU LEXOPHILES (LOVERS OF WORDS):

    1. A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired.
    2. What's the definition of a will? It's a dead giveaway.
    3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
    4. A backward poet writes inverse.
    5. In a democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes.
    6. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
    7. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
    8. With her marriage she got a new name & a dress.
    9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft & I'll show you A-flat minor.
    10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
    11. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
    12. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
    13. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
    14. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
    15. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
    16. Every calendar's days are numbered.
    17. A lot of money is tainted. 'Taint yours & 'taint mine.
    18. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
    19. He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
    20. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
    21. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
    22. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
    23. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
    24. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
    25. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.
    26. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
    27. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
    28. Acupuncture is a jab well done.
    29. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.
     
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  5. drz01

    drz01 Weekend DJ

    Messages:
    527
    Location:
    Toronto
    Thanks for those...