Not SARS, BARS

Discussion in 'Funny Farm' started by rushm001, Jun 23, 2003.

  1. rushm001

    rushm001 In the beginning...... Political User

    Messages:
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    Location:
    Norfolk, UK
    Urgent WHO health warning - BARS

    The World Health Organisation (WHO) has just issued an urgent warning
    about BARS (Beer & Alcohol Requirement Syndrome).

    A newly identified problem has spread rapidly throughout the world.
    The disease, identified as BARS (Beer & Alcohol Requirement Syndrome)
    affects people of many different ages. Believed to have started in
    Ireland in 1500 BC, the disease seems to affect people who congregate
    in Pubs and Taverns or who just congregate. It is not known how the
    disease is transmitted but approximately three billion people world- wide are affected, with thousands of new cases appearing every day.

    Early symptoms of the disease include an uncontrollable urge at
    5:00pm to consume a beer or alcoholic beverage. This urge is most
    keenly felt on Fridays. More advanced symptoms of the disease include
    talking loudly, singing off-key, aggression, heightened sexual
    attraction/confidence (even towards fuglies), uncalled for laughter,
    uncontrollable dancing and unprovoked arguing.

    In the final stages of the disease, victims are often cross-eyed, and
    speak incoherently. Vomiting, loss of memory, loss of balance, loss
    of clothing and loss of virginity can also occur. Sometimes death
    ensues, usually accompanied by the victim shouting, "Hey Fred, bet
    you can't do this!" or "Wanna see how fast it goes??"

    If you develop any of these symptoms, it is important that you
    quarantine yourself in a pub with fellow victims until last call or
    all the symptoms have passed. Sadly, it is reported that the disease
    can reappear at very short notice or at the latest, on the following
    Friday. Side effects for survivors include bruising, broken limbs,
    lost property, killer headaches and divorce. On the up side, there is
    not, and probably never will be, a permanent cure.
     
  2. SkazzyUK

    SkazzyUK XP-erience Oldie

    Messages:
    900
    Location:
    Brighton, West Sussex, UK
    Lol, not bad :)

    Skazz
     
  3. Codasmd

    Codasmd Old School XPeriencer

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    Location:
    Los Angeles, CA.
    Fuglies....LoL
     
  4. daddyo

    daddyo OSNN Addict

    Messages:
    151
    BEER-Helping ugly people have sex since 1857.
     
  5. X-Istence

    X-Istence * Political User

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    Location:
    USA
    Some funny stuff.