Discussion in 'Funny Farm' started by trellawny, Apr 1, 2003.

  1. trellawny

    trellawny Guest

    "These are from a book called Disorder in the Court, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. "

    Q: What is your date of birth?
    A: July fifteenth.
    Q: What year?
    A: Every year.

    Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
    A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
    Q: How long has he lived with you?
    A: Forty-five years.

    Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    A: I forget.
    Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

    Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
    A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
    Q: And why did that upset you?
    A: My name is Susan.

    Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
    A: We both do.
    Q: Voodoo?
    A: We do.
    Q: You do?
    A: Yes, voodoo.

    Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

    Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

    Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

    Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And what were you doing at that time?

    Q: She had three children, right?
    A: Yes.
    Q: How many were boys?
    A: None.
    Q: Were there any girls?

    Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
    A: By death.
    Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

    Q: Can you describe the individual?
    A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    Q: Was this a male, or a female?

    Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

    Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

    Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    A: Oral.

    Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    Q: And Mr.. Dennington was dead at the time?
    A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

    Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

    Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for breathing?
    A: No.
    Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
    A: No.
    Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
    A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law somewhere.
  2. Silvio

    Silvio Argentinean Dogo

    :D :D :D :D :D
    Damn funny!
  3. Krux

    Krux Nissan Powered

  4. Kirrie2001

    Kirrie2001 Guest

    ROFLMAO.:D .:D .:D . Great page trellawney.
  5. Maveric169

    Maveric169 The Voices Talk to Me

    Elkhart, IN
    I love that, are you qualified to give a urine sample.....LOL Lawyers are so stupid!
  6. NetRyder

    NetRyder Tech Junkie Folding Team

    New York City
    Heheh ... lots of good ones :p
  7. X-Istence

    X-Istence * Political User

    Now, my brother is gonna be a lawyer, and yes he asks stupid qeustions like this.
  8. Henyman

    Henyman Secret Goat Fetish Political User

  9. UberBert

    UberBert Guest

    LOL!!! good ones trellawny!!! :D:D:D:D:D

  10. slimboyfat

    slimboyfat Guest

    Good stuff. :)

    There's a similar list around about accident form stupidity, with things like:-

    " The accident was caused by me waving at the woman I hit last week"


    " I was hit by a bus when i reversed into the bus lane from my drive. It was not my fault as the bus was 5 minutes early"

  11. Nick M

    Nick M Moderator

    ROLF, the bus was 5 minutes early, not my fault :D