How to Shower

Discussion in 'Funny Farm' started by SPeedY_B, Feb 1, 2004.

  1. SPeedY_B

    SPeedY_B I may actually be insane.

    Messages:
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    HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN

    1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
    2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your husband
    along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
    3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror-make mental note-must do more sit-ups.
    4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
    5. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
    6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
    7. Condition your hair with Grapefruit Mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.
    8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red.
    9. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
    10. Rinse conditioner off hair (you must make sure that it has all come off).
    11. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.
    12. Scream loudly when your husband flushed the toilet and you lose the water pressure.
    13. Turn off the shower.
    14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.
    15. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.
    16. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit and tweeze hairs.
    17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
    18. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas and then sashay to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed.

    HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN

    1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
    2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake
    wiener at her making the "woo-woo" sound.
    3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no). Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror and scratch your ass.
    4. Get in the shower.
    5. Don't bother to look for a washcloth(you don't use one).
    6. Wash your face.
    7. Wash your armpits.
    8. Blow your nose in your hands, then let the water just rinse it off.
    9. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.
    10. Majority of time is spent washing your privates and surrounding area.
    11. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs on the soap bar.
    12. Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).
    13. Make a shampoo Mohawk.
    14. Peek out of shower curtain to look at yourself in the mirror again.
    15. Pee (in the shower).
    16. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor
    because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time.
    17. Partially dry off.
    18. Look at your self in the mirror again and flex muscles. Admire wiener size again.
    19. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.
    20. Leave bathroom fan and light on.
    21. Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your
    wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her, and make the "woo-woo" sound again.
    22. Throw wet towel on the bed.
    23. Take two minutes to get dressed.
     
  2. Grandmaster

    Grandmaster Electronica Addict Political User Folding Team

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    Read it before, still funny :p
     
  3. Geffy

    Geffy Moderator Folding Team

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    roflmao
     
  4. chaos945

    chaos945 Moderator

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    Cracking up the entire read...
     
  5. Chase™

    Chase™ NTFS Noob

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    hilarious
     
  6. Codasmd

    Codasmd Old School XPeriencer

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    Yar...good one.
     
  7. mooo

    mooo thecyberninja

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    iknow this is kinda off topic but i am not gonna lie. I pee in the shower.. didn't think anyone else did wow i musta been really wrong, makes me feel like i am in the norm :)
     
  8. Glass

    Glass sgàthan ìnnleachd

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    Everyone pees in the shower. I pee in the sink too cuz it's closer.
     
  9. dreamliner77

    dreamliner77 The Analog Kid

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    I know we're all friends here and stuff, but sometimes I feel that theres just a little too much personal information going around...
     
  10. X-Istence

    X-Istence * Political User

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    Hahaha, TMFI :p
     
  11. sboulema

    sboulema Moderator

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    Tmfi ?
     
  12. scriptasylum

    scriptasylum Moderator

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    Too Much F***ing Information...
     
  13. chaos945

    chaos945 Moderator

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    Proud to say my shower is "pee" free.
     
  14. the milkman

    the milkman OSNN Junior Addict

    Messages:
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    Location:
    leicester england
    very funny :)
    i must get round to installing my shower thow you cant beat a good bath