Henymans jokes

Discussion in 'Funny Farm' started by Henyman, Oct 8, 2002.

  1. Henyman

    Henyman Secret Goat Fetish Political User

    A woman is crossing the road when she gets run over. She is
    lying on the ground as the driver rushes out of the car to her.

    "Are you alright?" he asks her.

    "Everything is a blur, I can't see anything," she says.

    Concerned, the man leans over the woman to test her eyesight.

    "How many fingers have I got up?" he asks.

    "Oh No!" she replies, "don't tell me I'm paralyzed from the
    waist down, too!"


    The Supreme Court had decreed that segregation had to stop
    because it was against the Constitution.

    In Selma, Alabama a bus pulls up to the curb and people start
    to get on. The bus driver says, "There is now no black or white.
    From now on, everybody will be considered green. Now, all you
    dark green people get to the back of the bus."


    Service

    At one time in my life, I thought I had a handle on the meaning
    of the word "service"... the act of doing things for other
    people.

    Then I heard the terms Internal Revenue Service, Postal Service,
    Civil Service, Service Stations, and I became confused about
    the word "service." This is not what I thought "service" meant.

    Then recently, I overheard two horse breeders talking and one
    of them mentioned that he was having his stallion service a
    few of his mares.

    SHAZAM!

    It all came into perspective. Now I understand what all those
    "service" agencies are doing to us!

    I don’t follow college football, but judging by this series
    of one-liners I’d say the Nebraska Cornhuskers were having a
    dog-blowing season.

    NEBRASKA CORNHUSKER QUIZ

    What's the difference between the Nebraska Cornhuskers and
    the Taliban?
    A. The Taliban has a running game.

    Q. What do the Nebraska Cornhuskers and Billy Graham have in
    common?
    A. They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus
    Christ."

    Q. How do you keep a Nebraska Cornhusker player out of your
    yard?
    A. Put up goal posts.

    Q. Where do you go in Lincoln in case of a tornado?
    A. Memorial Stadium - they never get a touchdown there.

    Q. Why doesn't Omaha have a Div 1A football team .
    A. Because then Lincoln would want one.

    Q. Why was Frank Solich upset when the Cornhusker playbook
    was stolen?
    A. Because he hadn't finished coloring it.

    Q. What's the difference between the Nebraska Cornhuskers and
    a dollar bill?
    A. You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

    Q. What do you call 47 people sitting around a TV watching the
    College Championships?
    A. The Nebraska Cornhuskers.

    Q. What do the Nebraska Cornhuskers and possums have in common?
    A. Both play dead at home and get killed on the road.

    Q. How can you tell when the Nebraska Cornhuskers are going
    to run the football?
    A. Diedrich leaves the huddle with tears in his eyes.
     
  2. Kirrie2001

    Kirrie2001 Guest

    Excellent Henyman, :D :D

    You seem to be getting the hang of it now.
     
  3. Tabula Rasa

    Tabula Rasa Stranger Than Kindness Political User

    Messages:
    3,233
    Location:
    Israel
    hehehehehehe :D :D :D, Excellent Henyman :D :D
    The kind of humor i like... (Black, and no sugar)
     
  4. Henyman

    Henyman Secret Goat Fetish Political User

    lol thanx guy's i got them out of me email:p
     
  5. Henyman

    Henyman Secret Goat Fetish Political User

    THE BLONDE'S REVENGE!

    * Why are brunettes so proud of their hair?
    It matches their mustache.

    * What's black, blue, and brown and lying in a ditch?
    A brunette who's told too many blonde jokes.

    * What's the real reason a brunette keeps her figure?
    No one else wants it!

    * What do brunettes miss most about a great party?
    The invitation.

    * Why are so many blonde jokes one-liners?
    So brunettes can remember them.

    * What do you call a brunette in a room full of blondes?
    Invisible.

    * What's a brunette's mating call?
    "Has the blonde left yet?"

    * What do you call a good looking man with a brunette?
    A hostage

    * Who makes bras for brunettes?
    Fisher-Price

    WHAT TIME DOES THE BAR OPEN?

    At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a
    drunk guy asking what time the bar opens. "It opens at
    noon," answers the clerk.

    About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy,
    sounding even drunker. "What time does the bar open?"
    He asks.

    "Same time as before... Noon," Replies the clerk.

    Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered.
    "Whatjoo shay the bar opins at?"

    The clerk then answers, "It opens at noon, but if you
    can't wait, I can have room service send something up
    to you."

    "No... I don't wanna git in... Ah wanna git OUT!!!"


    Why does Lincoln have artificial turf? To keep the cheerleaders
    from grazing during halftime.

    What do the Nebraska football players think the "N" stands
    for on their helmet? Knowledge

    How do you get a Nebraska cheerleader in an elevator? Grease
    her thighs and throw in a Twinkie.
     
  6. Tabula Rasa

    Tabula Rasa Stranger Than Kindness Political User

    Messages:
    3,233
    Location:
    Israel
    I emailed the Blonde revenge jokes to every blonde i know... Thanks Henyman! :D
     
  7. Henyman

    Henyman Secret Goat Fetish Political User

    :p thas k