It's definately got potential, obviously I can't judge it that much from just a pattern.
Also to be perfectly honest, if you really want to get into the scene, you're best bet at the moment would be to actually aim for something airy/trancey, everyone seems to be enjoying the raver baby stuff at the moment. I don't know if you'll have heard it but a mate of mine (Seph) has made a tune called "never apart" which is scheduled for release on CAM003, and that's quite uplifting and trancey, whereas he normally produces quite dark tunes, but he wanted his first tune to be sucessfull.
I mean Drift is well happy, but when I play out ,I only ever play dutch gabber which is dark and very offensive, Me and Mozz just wanted something that people would like.