funny accident report

Discussion in 'Green Room' started by 2z, Jun 19, 2002.

  1. 2z

    2z OSNN Gamer

    Australian bricklayer report. Possibly the funniest story in a long while)
    This is a bricklayer's accident report, which was
    printed in the newsletter of the Australian equivalent of the Workers'
    Compensation board. This is a true story. Had this poor bugger died, he'd
    have received a Darwin Award for sure.......

    Dear Sir,
    I am writing in response to your request for
    additional information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.
    I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building.When I completed my work, I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of 500lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor.
    Securing the rope at ground I went up to the roof,swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope,holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks. You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 135lbs.
    Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel, which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed.
    This explained the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as listed in section 3 of the accident report form. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the
    rope, in spite of beginning to experience pain. At approximately the same time, however,the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight. As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the building.
    In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This
    accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several lacerations of my legs and lower body. Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken legs.

    I hope this answers your inquiry.
  2. gonaads

    gonaads Beware the G-Man Political User Folding Team


    Can you say, Yoyo and PiƱata!!! What a morron. :p
  3. GoNz0

    GoNz0 NTFS Stoner

    the year 2525
    :eek: what a nob
  4. 2z

    2z OSNN Gamer

    Dont know how many times I've read this story & still cracks me up
    :p :p :p
  5. Sazar

    Sazar F@H - Is it in you? Staff Member Political User Folding Team

    Between Austin and Tampa
    aye papie... fancied himself a bit of a koala in search of food that lad...

    ROTF lmao... is all I can come up with... funnier than the dog humping pikachu vid posted the other day..
  6. Iceman

    Iceman Moderator

    I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel, which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed.

    ROFLMAO, man I sure would have loved to seen this on america's funniest home videos, would have won hands down.

    Thanks for that TwoZigzagColt45, I needed a good laugh today. :p

    now where is the vid of the dog humping pikachu at ?????

    :D :D :D
  7. Dubbin1

    Dubbin1 I Like Cheese

    Speaking of Darwin awards, this one has to be the best :p

    The Arizona Highway Patrol were mystified when they came upon a pile of smoldering wreckage embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The metal debris resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it turned out to be the vaporized remains of an automobile. The make of the vehicle was unidentifiable at the scene.

    The folks in the lab finally figured out what it was, and pieced together the events that led up to its demise.

    It seems that a former Air Force sergeant had somehow got hold of a JATO (Jet Assisted Take-Off) unit. JATO units are solid fuel rockets used to give heavy military transport airplanes an extra push for take-off from short airfields.

    Dried desert lakebeds are the location of choice for breaking the world ground vehicle speed record. The sergeant took the JATO unit into the Arizona desert and found a long, straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to his car, jumped in, accelerated to a high speed, and fired off the rocket.
    The facts, as best as could be determined, are as follows:

    The operator was driving a 1967 Chevy Impala. He ignited the JATO unit approximately 3.9 miles from the crash site. This was established by the location of a prominently scorched and melted strip of asphalt. The vehicle quickly reached a speed of between 250 and 300 mph and continued at that speed, under full power, for an additional 20-25 seconds. The soon-to-be pilot experienced G-forces usually reserved for dog-fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners.

    The Chevy remained on the straight highway for approximately 2.6 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied the brakes, completely melting them, blowing the tires, and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface. The vehicle then became airborne for an additional 1.3 miles, impacted the cliff face at a height of 125 feet, and left a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock.

    Most of the driver's remains were not recovered; however, small fragments of bone, teeth, and hair were extracted from the crater, and fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.

    Ironically a still-legible bumper sticker was found, reading
    "How do you like my driving? Dial 1-800-EAT-SHIT
  8. Steely

    Steely OSNN Addict

    Wolverhampton, United kingdom
    I haven't laughed so hard in years!!! :) Could someone really be that stupid???
  9. Static 99

    Static 99 Guest

    LOL, i know this story as a song (re)written by The Dubliners (Irish folk group).
    I never knew it was based on a real story, this makes it even more funny. :D

    The Sick Note (Why Paddy's Not at Work Today)

    Dear Sir I write this note to inform you of my plight
    And at the time of writing I am not a pretty sight
    My body is all black and blue, my face a deathly gray
    I write this note to tell why Paddy's not at work today

    While working on the fourteenth floor, some bricks I had to clear
    And to throw them down from off the top seemed quite a good idea
    But the gaffer wasn't very pleased, he was an awful sod
    He said I had to cart them down the ladder in me hod.

    Well clearing all those bricks by hand, it seemed so very slow
    So I hoisted up a barrel and secured the rope below
    But in my haste to do the job, I was too blind to see
    That a barrel full of building bricks is heavier than me.

    So when I had untied the rope, the barrel fell like lead
    And clinging tightly to the rope I started up instead
    I took off like a rocket and to my dismay I found
    That half way up I met the bloody barrel coming down.

    Well the barrel broke my shoulder as on to the ground it sped
    And when I reached the top I banged the pulley with me head
    I held on tight, though numb with shock from this almighty blow
    And the barrel spilled out half its load fourteen floors below

    Now when those building bricks fell from the barrel to the floor
    I then outweighed the barrel so I started down once more
    I held on tightly to the rope as I flew to the ground
    And I landed on those building bricks that were scattered all

    Now as I lay there on the deck I thought I'd passed the worst
    But when the barrel reached the top, that's when the bottom burst
    A shower of bricks came down on me, I knew I had no hope
    In all of this confusion, I let go the bloody rope.

    The barrel being heavier, it started down once more
    And landed right on top of me as I lay on the floor
    It broke three ribs and my left arm, and I can only say
    That I hope you'll understand why Paddy's not at work today.
  10. Crucial

    Crucial Guest

    For anyone that can't be bothered to read.
  11. 2z

    2z OSNN Gamer

    :confused: Whats the point in joining a forum :rolleyes: :p
  12. gonaads

    gonaads Beware the G-Man Political User Folding Team

    this's a forum???
    Damn, I thought this was the bingo club. :p
  13. Smokie

    Smokie A Proud Australian

    Townsville, Qld, Australia

    Ok gonaads, how much did I win???
  14. 2z

    2z OSNN Gamer

    :D 1st prize is an all expenses paid trip to Quezon City. In the Philippines

    :cool: :p
  15. Smokie

    Smokie A Proud Australian

    Townsville, Qld, Australia
    Did you mean out of, please say you meant out.

    Of course it could be worse, it could have been an all expenses paid trip to the Abu Sayyaf country club.. :(
  16. 2z

    2z OSNN Gamer

    <<<<<< :eek: really should keep up with current affairs
    OOPS!!! talk about foot in mouth :rolleyes: