Exams are getting easier. Proof

Discussion in 'Funny Farm' started by indyjones, Oct 22, 2004.

  1. indyjones

    indyjones OSNN.net Adventurer

    Hard to believe but highly amusing .................one or two are a little tongue in cheek

    Today's kids, tomorrows teachers! Oh dear! The following questions were set in last year's GCSE examinations in Swindon. These are genuine responses (from 16 year olds).

    Q: Name the four seasons.
    A: Salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar.

    Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to
    A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large
    like grit, sand, dead sheep, and canoeists.

    Q: How is dew formed?
    A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

    Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
    A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water
    tends to
    flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature
    abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

    Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
    A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.

    Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
    A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

    Q: What are steroids?
    A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

    Q: What happens to your body as you age?
    A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

    Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
    A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

    Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
    A: Premature death.

    Q: What is artificial insemination?
    A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

    Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
    A: Keep it in the cow. [He got an A!!]

    Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised? (e.g. abdomen)
    A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax the
    abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains
    heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels,
    A,E,O U,
    and I.

    Q: What is the Fibula?
    A: A small lie.

    Q: What does "varicose" mean?
    A: Nearby.

    Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section."
    A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

    Q: What is a seizure?
    A: A Roman emperor.

    Q: What is a terminal illness?
    A: When you are sick at the airport

    Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
    A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like

    Q: Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show you understand its
    A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.

    Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
    A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

    Q: What is a turbine?
    A: Something an Arab or Sheik wears on his head.
  2. Admiral Michael

    Admiral Michael Michaelsoft Systems CEO Folding Team