Courtroom Quotes

Discussion in 'Funny Farm' started by Codasmd, Dec 10, 2003.

  1. Codasmd

    Codasmd Old School XPeriencer

    Messages:
    495
    Location:
    Los Angeles, CA.
    Supposedly, actual courtroom quotes.


    Q: Are you sexually active?
    A: No, I just lie there.
    __________________________________

    Q: What is your date of birth?
    A: July 15th.
    Q: What year?
    A: Every year.
    ____________________________________

    Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
    A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ______________________________________

    Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    A: I forget.
    Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've
    forgotten? _____________________________________

    Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
    A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
    Q: How long has he lived with you?
    A: Forty-five years.
    ___________________________________

    Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up
    that
    morning?
    A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
    Q: And why did that upset you?
    A: My name is Susan.
    ______________________________________

    Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the
    occult?
    A: We both do.
    Q: Voodoo?
    A: We do.
    Q: You do?
    A: Yes, voodoo.
    ______________________________________

    Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
    doesn't know about it until the next morning?
    A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
    ___________________________________

    Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
    _____________________________________

    Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
    ______________________________________

    Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And what were you doing at that time?
    ______________________________________

    Q: She had three children, right?
    A: Yes.
    Q: How many were boys?
    A: None.
    Q: Were there any girls?
    ______________________________________

    Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
    A: By death.
    Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
    ______________________________________

    Q: Can you describe the individual?
    A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    Q: Was this a male, or a female? ______________________________________

    Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
    which I sent to your attorney?
    A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
    ______________________________________

    Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
    ______________________________________

    Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    A: Oral.
    ______________________________________

    Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
    A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
    autopsy.
    ______________________________________

    Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
    ______________________________________

    Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for breathing?
    A: No.
    Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
    the
    autopsy?
    A: No.
    Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
    A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law
    somewhere.
     
  2. Geffy

    Geffy Moderator Folding Team

    Messages:
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    Location:
    United Kingdom
    roflmao
     
  3. Brandi

    Brandi Guest

    Cute...haha
     
  4. ming

    ming OSNN Advanced

    Messages:
    4,252
    Location:
    UK
    rofl
     
  5. Bootsy

    Bootsy Huh?

    Messages:
    1,124
    Location:
    Miami, Fl
    that was funny

    Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up
    that
    morning?
    A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
    Q: And why did that upset you?
    A: My name is Susan.
    ______________________________________

    Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the
    occult?
    A: We both do.
    Q: Voodoo?
    A: We do.
    Q: You do?
    A: Yes, voodoo.

    LOL
     
  6. SPeedY_B

    SPeedY_B I may actually be insane.

    Messages:
    15,800
    Location:
    Midlands, England
    Superb stuff :D
     
  7. theevilsithlord

    theevilsithlord Hail to the King, Baby!

    Messages:
    131
    Location:
    Champaign, IL UIUC
    this is great!
     
  8. gonaads

    gonaads Beware the G-Man Political User Folding Team

    Ooooh man, this one is priceless:


    And this one just confirms it...

    Ditto...

    :p :p