Advice for Parents on Masturbation..

Discussion in 'Funny Farm' started by Grandmaster, Aug 21, 2002.

  1. Grandmaster

    Grandmaster Electronica Addict Political User Folding Team

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  2. Hipster Doofus

    Hipster Doofus Good grief Charlie Brown

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    I've seen this before, sadly. I think this guy takes himself seriously. Talk about an egg head.
     
  3. Grandmaster

    Grandmaster Electronica Addict Political User Folding Team

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    heh i know :rolleyes:
     
  4. freightgod

    freightgod Confused and Bewildered

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    Um, guys, this guy is Joking, methinks, and yes it's HILARIOUS!
     
  5. Hipster Doofus

    Hipster Doofus Good grief Charlie Brown

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    Looking around the site I get the impression that this guy takes himself seriously. He needs locking up. Funny it is but funny it ain't.
     
  6. Lithium

    Lithium Guest

    damnit its gone what the hell are you guys talking about?
     
  7. Hipster Doofus

    Hipster Doofus Good grief Charlie Brown

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    Hahahahahaha I was there five miutes ago. Hopefully they pulled the plug but somehow I don't think so. It's been there for years.
     
  8. JJB6486

    JJB6486 Retired Mod Political User

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  9. Octopus

    Octopus Moderator

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    who wrote that, must went through all the steps :p
     
  10. DrMetallica

    DrMetallica OSNN Senior Addict

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    6. Use corporal punishment. Spare the rod and spoil the child! Although outlawed by Socialists in many places, a good, sound thrashing has always been the best cure for the unruly child.
     
  11. DrMetallica

    DrMetallica OSNN Senior Addict

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    CheckMate scientifically detects a protein Enzyme produced by the male Prostate Gland to reveal traces of semen on clothing, sheets, ceilings, keyboards, etc. It apparently won't detect Masturbation in girls (my Scientific consultants assure me that females have no prostate glands, although the Bible suggests otherwise), but will uncover sexual activity in your daughters by detecting traces of semen in Panties, hair, etc. For additional security, you may easily buy a $10.00 microscope from Toys R Us and a $500.00 centrifuge from Fisher Scientific that will enable you (MALE CHRISTIAN PARENTS ONLY!!!!) to examine your sons' urine for signs of the Sin of Onan.

    ...*speechless*

    11. Put boxing gloves on your children's hands at bedtime. Boxing gloves are pretty hard to take off without someone's help. If you do this you can sleep soundly, knowing that your children aren't touching themselves in an impure way.

    lol...

    9. Have you caught your child Masturbating? If you walk into your son's bedroom without knocking and he's in there with his pants down holding his erect penis, he's probably Masturbating.

    duh...what did you think he was doing? ...praying?
     
  12. Friend of Bill

    Friend of Bill What, me worry?

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    Sinners I tell you, SINNERS! A good switch'n with the hickory switch and immediate unconditional repentants will fix things temporarily...:D
     
  13. Grandmaster

    Grandmaster Electronica Addict Political User Folding Team

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    heh, that's exactly what I thought about when I saw that site. :rolleyes:
     
  14. Kirrie2001

    Kirrie2001 Guest

    LMAO. hehehehe.

    Another way to check for masturbation.

    See if there are any hairs on the palms of his hands!!!!!!!!

    ;) ;)
     
  15. Grandmaster

    Grandmaster Electronica Addict Political User Folding Team

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  16. New Disease

    New Disease Whatever...

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    ahhhhh
    i had another thing about what happens if your french and you masturbate but i can find it....
    aghhhh i hate it when that happens!
     
  17. New Disease

    New Disease Whatever...

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    ah ha i found something at least... :D

    Q: What's the difference between a sperm bank and a regular bank?
    A: When you make a deposit at a sperm bank, you lose interest!

    ------------------------------------

    Q: Why did the logging train stop in the woods?
    A: To let the lumberjack off.

    ------------------------------------

    Q: What is a Yankee?
    A: Same thing as a quickie, but a man can do it by himself!

    ------------------------------------

    Q. How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
    A. His hand caught fire.

    ------------------------------------

    Q. What is the ultimate kind of rejection?
    A. When you're masturbating, and your hand falls asleep.

    ------------------------------------

    Q. Lovers celebrate Valentine's Day — what do masturbators celebrate?
    A. Palm Sunday.

    ------------------------------------

    Q. What two people were shot in a theater?
    A. Abraham Lincoln, and the guy sitting in front of Pee Wee Herman.

    ------------------------------------

    Q. What is the most sensitive part of the body during masturbation?
    A. Your ears — to listen for footsteps.

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    Q. What is the definition of a tough competitor?
    A. In a masturbation contest, he finishes first, third, and ninth.

    ------------------------------------

    Q. What's the difference between pink and purple?
    A. Your grip!

    ------------------------------------

    Q. What's the difference between "hard" and "light"?
    A. You can get to sleep with a light on.

    ------------------------------------

    Q. Why is masturbation better than sex?
    A. Because you can see what you are doing!

    ------------------------------------

    Q. What does a three-putt and masturbation have in common?
    A. You're ashamed, but you know you'll do it again!



    and my favourite

    "Sorry I'm late for work, boss, but I had to help my Uncle Jack off the horse."

    :D:D
     
  18. Grandmaster

    Grandmaster Electronica Addict Political User Folding Team

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    lol, good ones New_Disease :D
     
  19. GT2000

    GT2000 Guest

    I'm going to have a field day in my server/pro course tomorrow with the site that JJ posted...

    AMD, third-world company making "knock-off" procs...ROFL
     
  20. gonaads

    gonaads Beware the G-Man Political User Folding Team

    I'M BLIND!!!! I CAN'T SEE!!!!

    Oh hell, I'll just feel for it. :p