A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman are sat in a bar.

Discussion in 'Funny Farm' started by ZeroHour, Mar 21, 2006.

  1. ZeroHour

    ZeroHour ho3 ho3 ho3

    Messages:
    1,118
    Location:
    Scotland
    A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman are sat in a bar.

    The Scotsman says “I called our son Andrew because he was born on Saint Andrews day”

    The Englishman says “Well i never! I called my son George because he was born on Saint Georges day”

    The Irishman says “Ah bejeevis! the same thing happened with me and my boy pancake”
     
  2. kcnychief

    kcnychief █▄█ ▀█▄ █ Political User Folding Team

    Messages:
    16,948
    Location:
    Massachusetts
    I don't get it?
     
  3. Electronic Punk

    Electronic Punk Administrator Staff Member Political User Folding Team

    Messages:
    18,590
    Location:
    Copenhagen, Denmark
    We have something called Pancake day over here.
    Is on Shrove tuesday before Ash wednesday if I recall correctly.
     
  4. kcnychief

    kcnychief █▄█ ▀█▄ █ Political User Folding Team

    Messages:
    16,948
    Location:
    Massachusetts
    Ah, I guess that makes sense. :p
     
  5. KingKian

    KingKian OSNN Addict

    Messages:
    105
    Location:
    Singapore
    Singaporean call his son, Father... coz he was born on Father's Day :)
     
  6. rushm001

    rushm001 In the beginning...... Political User

    Messages:
    3,480
    Location:
    Norfolk, UK
    An Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman are all playing golf with their wives. The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and as she bends over to place her ball a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.

    "Good God !! why aren't you wearing any knickers?" her husband demanded.

    "Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford to buy any".

    The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency here's 50 pounds, go and buy yourself some underwear."

    Next the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt blows up to show that she is wearing no undies. "Bejesus woman !! You've no knickers ---- why not?"

    She replies "I can't afford any on the money you give me."

    He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency here's 20 pounds, go and buy yourself some underwear!"

    Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she too is naked under it. "Hoot, Lassie! Why d'ye have no knickers?"

    She too explains, "You don't give me enough housekeeping money to be able to afford any."

    The Scot reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency here's a COMB, tidy yourself up a bit!" :p
     
    ZeroHour likes this.
  7. Steevo

    Steevo Spammer representing. Political User Folding Team

    Messages:
    2,566
    A comb? Harr, mebey a RAZOR!!! :D
     
  8. kcnychief

    kcnychief █▄█ ▀█▄ █ Political User Folding Team

    Messages:
    16,948
    Location:
    Massachusetts
    Don't you mean RAZR? :p
     
  9. Evil Marge

    Evil Marge I Rule Political User

    Messages:
    6,574
    haha :cheeky:
     
  10. stevanhogg

    stevanhogg OSNN Addict

    Messages:
    63
    Location:
    SCOTLAND
    SCOTTISH FRUITCAKE RECIPE.

    You'll need the following:
    1 cup of water
    1 cup of sugar
    4 large brown eggs
    2 cups of dried fruit
    1 teaspoon of salt
    1 cup of brown sugar
    Lemon juice
    1 cup of nuts
    1 bottle of whiskey.

    Sample the whiskey to check for quality.
    Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again. To be sure it's the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.

    Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.

    Make sure the whiskey is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Beat two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the tuner. If the fired druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.

    Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whiskey. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.
    Grease the oven.

    Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window. Check the whiskey again and go to bed. Who the hell likes fruitcake anyway??