A guy walks into a bar...

Discussion in 'Funny Farm' started by joyojoy, Jun 9, 2005.

  1. joyojoy

    joyojoy Not all there...

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    My husband and I sort of collect these "bar" jokes, like the old classic:
    A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Why the long face?"

    Or...

    A guy walks into a bar with some jumper cables around his neck, and the bartender says, "Hey, you can stay, but don't start anything..."

    Or...

    Snow White and the seven dwarves walk into a bar, and the bartender says to Snow White, "You can stay, but we don't serve miners..."

    Or...

    A termite walks into a bar and says, "Is the bar tender here?"

    So....
    Ya got any more for our collection? I'd love to hear 'em (well... read 'em, anyway...)... just remember to keep it clean, okay?... okay...
     
    Perris Calderon likes this.
  2. Electronic Punk

    Electronic Punk Administrator Staff Member Political User Folding Team

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    A guy walks into a bar... ouch is was an iron bar.
    A horse walks into a bar, the bartender says... why the long face?

    I bet no-one has ever heard either of those before.
     
    Admiral Michael likes this.
  3. NetRyder

    NetRyder Tech Junkie Folding Team

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    Hahaha! That's the silliest one I've ever read, but it got a good laugh out of me. :D
    Easily amused while studying for finals...
     
  4. wes_ocp

    wes_ocp OSNN One Post Wonder

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    A bear walks into a bar and says,

    "Can i have a pint of bitter...






    ...







    ...







    ...







    ...







    ...and a bag of cheese & onion please"


    Barman says, "Why the big paws?"
     
  5. LordOfLA

    LordOfLA Godlike!

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    hehe.

    you know if you dunk cheese and onion crisps in your pint of stella it takes somewhat like fish and chips...

    either that or I'd had one too many :p
     
  6. lancer

    lancer There is no answer! Political User Folding Team

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    lord thats just naaasssstyy!


    John Kerry walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?"
     
  7. lancer

    lancer There is no answer! Political User Folding Team

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    Celine Dion walks into a bar. The bartender says, "So, why the long face?"
     
  8. lancer

    lancer There is no answer! Political User Folding Team

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    A penguin walks into a bar, goes to the counter, and asks the bartender, "Have you seen my brother?" The bartender asks, "I don't know, what does he look like?"
     
  9. lancer

    lancer There is no answer! Political User Folding Team

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    A polar bear, a giraffe and a penguin walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"

    ok enough for today! :)
     
  10. 2 guys walked into a bar the 3rd one ducked
    *drum roll + crash*
    lol that was an old one

    lol that's funny
     
  11. Perris Calderon

    Perris Calderon Moderator Staff Member Political User

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    a mushroom walked into the bar, the bartender refused to serve any mushrooms;

    "why not?, I'm a fun guy!"
     
  12. ming

    ming OSNN Advanced

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    Heard both before.. :p
     
  13. Perris Calderon

    Perris Calderon Moderator Staff Member Political User

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    heard the fungi one?
     
  14. joyojoy

    joyojoy Not all there...

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    :laugh: LMAO!!!!
     
  15. Perris Calderon

    Perris Calderon Moderator Staff Member Political User

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    ep walks into a bar;

    *waits for proper second part from more witty people then self*
     
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2005
  16. ming

    ming OSNN Advanced

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    nop :)
     
  17. joyojoy

    joyojoy Not all there...

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    A bear walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Hey, we don't serve bears here, so beat it!"

    The bear says, "I'm REALLY thirsty, and if you don't give me a beer right now, I'm gonna eat that old hag down at the end of the bar!"

    Bartender replies, "You can eat every customer in here and I'm still not gonna serve you."

    So the bear eats the lady and comes back to the bartender, wiping his mouth. "There," he says, "now I'm REALLY thirsty... gimme that beer!"

    "Look," says the bartender, "I already told you we don't serve bears, and I sure as heck don't serve anyone on DRUGS!"

    "Drugs?..." replies the bear, "What are you talkin' about?"

    The bartender looks him in the eye and says, "That was a barbituate..."
    (you gotta say this out loud to get it...)
     
  18. joyojoy

    joyojoy Not all there...

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    Another bear walks into a bar...

    One more "bear in a bar" joke before I head off to work:

    A panda walks into a bar, sits at a table and orders a plate of bamboo shoots. The waitress serves him, he eats and when he is done she brings him his tab. Out of nowhere he pulls out a gun, shoots the waitress and heads for the door.

    The bartender is shocked, and yells, "Hey, what did you do that for?..."

    Over his shoulder, the panda replies, "Just look up pandas in your dictionary," and then he was gone.

    So the bartender pulls out a dictionary, and finds the answer right there, in black and white: Panda, small bear native to the mountains of China... eats bamboo shoots and leaves...
     
  19. Petros

    Petros Thief IV

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    A rope walks into a bar. The bartender notices him walking in and immediately shoos him out the door, saying "We don't serve ropes here!"

    Determined, the rope storms out, twist himself into a tangled mess, and rolls all over the ground. He picks himself up, and walks back into the bar. "Hey," the bartender stops him, "aren't you the same rope that walked in here a minute ago?

    "Nope," the rope replies, "I'm a frayed knot."
     
  20. ZeroHour

    ZeroHour ho3 ho3 ho3

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    This thread is so sad :D