Tosser!

Vetrius

Coenfidentialityism
Joined
27 Feb 2004
Messages
521
For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day when you just need to take it out on someone!!! Don't take that bad day out on someone you know, take it out on someone you DON'T know!!!
Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the number and dialed it.

A man answered nicely saying, "Hello?"

I politely said, "This is Patrick Hanifin and could I please speak to Robin Carter?"

Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that anyone could be that rude.

I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. She had transposed the last two digits incorrectly. After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying there on my desk. I decided to call it again.

When the same person once more answered, I yelled, "You're a tosser!" and hung up. Next to his phone number I wrote the word "tosser," and put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a really bad day, I'd call him up. He'd answer, and I'd yell, "You're a tosser!" It would always cheer me up.

Later in the year the Phone Company introduced caller ID. This was a real disappointment for me, as I would have to stop calling the tosser.

Then one day I had an idea. I dialed his number, then heard his voice, "Hello." I made up a name, "Hi. This is the sales office of the Telephone Company and I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with our caller ID program?"

He went, "No!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a tosser!"

The reason I took the time to tell you this story, is to show you how if there's ever anything really bothering you, you can do something about it. Just dial 823-4863.

Keep reading it gets better!

An old lady at the shopping center really took her time pulling out of the parking pace. I didn't think she was ever going to leave. Finally, her car began to move and she started to very slowly back out of the slot. I backed up a little more to give her plenty of room to pull out. Great, I thought, she's finally leaving.

All of a sudden this black BMW come flying up the parking isle in the wrong direction and pulls into her space. I hit the horn and started yelling, "You can't do that. I was here first!"

The guy climbed out of his BMW completely ignoring me. He walked toward the shopping center as if he didn't even hear me. I thought to myself, this guy's a tosser, there sure is a lot of tossers in this world.

I noticed he had a "For Sale" sign in the back window of his car. I wrote down the number. Then I hunted for another place to park.

A couple of days later, I'm at home sitting at my desk. I had just got off the phone after calling 823-4863 and yelling, "You're tosser!" (It's really easy to call him now since I have his number on speed dial.) When, I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black BMW lying on my desk and thought I'd better call this guy, too.

After a couple rings someone answered the phone and said, "Hello." I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

"Yes, it is."

"Can you tell me where I can see it?"

"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. It's a yellow house and the car's parked right out front."

I said, "What's your name?"

"My name is Don Hansen."

"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

"I'm home in the evenings."

"Listen Don, can I tell you something?"

"Yes,"

"Don, you're a tosser!" And I slammed the phone down.

After I hung up I added Don Hansen's number to my speed dialer.

For a while things seemed to be going better for me. Now when I had a problem I had two tossers to call. Then, after several months of calling the tossers and hanging up on them, it just wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be.

I gave the problem some serious thought and came up with a solution: First, I had my phone dial tosser #1. A man answered nicely saying, "Hello." I yelled "You're a tosser!" but I didn't hang up.

The tosser said, "Are you still there?"

I said, "Yeah."

He said, "Stop calling me."

I said, "No."

He said, "What's your name, Pal?"

I said, "Don Hansen."

He said, "Where do you live?"

"1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and my black BMW's parked out front."

"I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start saying your prayers."

"Yeah, like I'm really scared, tosser!" and I hung up.

Then I called tosser #2. He answered, "Hello."

I said, "Hello, tosser!"

He said, "If I ever find out who you are..."

"You'll what?"

" I'll kick your ****."

"Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now, tosser!" And I hung up.

Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them I was at 1802 West 34th Street and that I was going to kill my gay lover as soon as I got home. Another quick call to Channel 13 about the gang war going on down on W.34th Street. After that I climbed into my car and headed over to 34th Street to watch the whole thing.

Glorious!

Watching two tossers kicking the crap out of each other in front of 6 squad cars and a police helicopter was one of the greatest experiences of my life!

http://www.fishtank.org.uk/humour/humour.php3?articleid=73 :D
 
Lol, I've heard it before but it is still funny.
 

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Also Hi EP and people. I found this place again while looking through a oooollllllldddd backup. I have filled over 10TB and was looking at my collection of antiques. Any bids on the 500Mhz Win 95 fix?
Any of the SP crew still out there?
Xie wrote on Electronic Punk's profile.
Impressed you have kept this alive this long EP! So many sites have come and gone. :(

Just did some crude math and I apparently joined almost 18yrs ago, how is that possible???
hello peeps... is been some time since i last came here.
Electronic Punk wrote on Sazar's profile.
Rest in peace my friend, been trying to find you and finally did in the worst way imaginable.

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