Stun Gun



Probly an oldie but it still cracks me up everytime i read it.....

Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. This was submitted
by a guy who purchased his lovely wife a "pocket Taser" for their

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked
my interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for a
little something extra for my wife Toni. What I came across was a
100,000 volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were
suppose to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your
assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.... WAY TOO COOL!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded
two triple A batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing!
I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND
pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arch
of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn spot is on
the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it
couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries,. right?!!!

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Frank looking on intently (trusting
little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I
really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must
admit I thought about zapping Frank (for a fraction of a second) and
thought better of it. He is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to
give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want
some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a sleeveless T-shirt with my reading
glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one
hand, taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would
shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to
cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second
burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish
out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5"
long,less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded
with two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my

I'm sitting there alone, Frank looking on with her head cocked to one
side as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second burst
from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided
to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the
prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION@!@$@$%!@ *!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me
up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over
and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal
position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire,
testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the
oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over me
making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face,
undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, do it again!"

Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one
note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap
yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your
hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would
be considered conservative.

SON-OF-A-.. that hurt like hell!!! A minute or so later (I can't be
sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), collected my wits (what
little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading
glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they up get there???

My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face
felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88
lbs. I'm still looking for my testicles? I'm offering a significant
reward for their safe return.

Still in shock,
I don't get these "funny stories", I mean, it would only be funny if it were true. Am I the only one who thinks that?
I dont know I have a great imagination...

so even if it isnt I was almost laughing out loud visualizing this...

Never heard of Jessie Ventura but it sounds like he or she is an expert in wrestling and has probably eaten your testicles. :p
Never heard of Jessie Ventura but it sounds like he or she is an expert in wrestling and has probably eaten your testicles. :p

Jesse Ventura is a former US Navy SEAL and ex-wrestler.. Jesse "The Body" Ventura you may have seen him in his role as a Special Forces Operator in Predator...

He was also a Govenor of Minesota... EH?

well in not sure if it is true word for word or not but i guess i find it so funny because almost every man i know would think the same thing and give it a try :) just two tiny little batteries after all...
A company which im a part of did a deal with taser international, they gave us 3 of them free the taser x26. These are the ones better then the cops have. They only have 5 seconds burts, we got 30 second ones. These things will show the electric going from prong to prong with out putting it on a metal surface. Very hi-tech stuff. I'm sure the story is true, When u put that thing to your skin your not able to take it away since ur body will contarct.
I have a collection of various sized off brand name "tasers". 60kV, 80kV, 100kV w/85 db alarm and xeon light (hand held flash bang).
Mine run on 9V batteries and all throw a nice 2 inch arc when tested. They will run for quite a while on one battery. They can die during a self test for more than 1-2 seconds so don't do that.

Only an idiot would use one on himself. (PS the cat would have died.)

They are designed to make your muscles operate at an extremely high rate using up your available sugar and causing something like a mini diabetic coma, which can be fatal in rare cases. Heart attack or stroke is also possible. While the muscles are operating at 100kHz you have no control of them until you black out from lack of sugar. Severe muscle convulsions can also occur tossing things about and keeping your finger locked on the trigger.

The description is pretty accurate. Your testicals were either eaten by the cat or have retracted up into your abdomen. With a little luck they will descend all by themselves. If not the surgery isn't too bad.

The self tester should submit his name for this years Darwin awards. Though your chance of winning is low unless you die on the operating table having the testicles lowered.

PS Don't stun someone holding a gun that is pointed at anyone. The trigger will more than likely get pulled several hundred times before they pass out.
I don't even wanna know how you got that information...:D

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Also Hi EP and people. I found this place again while looking through a oooollllllldddd backup. I have filled over 10TB and was looking at my collection of antiques. Any bids on the 500Mhz Win 95 fix?
Any of the SP crew still out there?
Xie wrote on Electronic Punk's profile.
Impressed you have kept this alive this long EP! So many sites have come and gone. :(

Just did some crude math and I apparently joined almost 18yrs ago, how is that possible???
hello peeps... is been some time since i last came here.
Electronic Punk wrote on Sazar's profile.
Rest in peace my friend, been trying to find you and finally did in the worst way imaginable.

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