I ran into the same thing with my daughter's computer.
Spell Checker for Outlook Express, adds the ability to use spell checking in Outlook Express without the need to install other MS products such as Word, or MS Office.
Once installed, all the greyed out areas will be available and if I remember correctly the spelling tab will be added also.
<edited> Site was updated - it's the 4th program down now!<edited>
Let me get this straight - you downloaded and installed Spell Checker for OE on your friends XP Home machine and you are getting spammed on your XP Pro machine???:huh: :huh:
Only kidding - my daughter says it works fine - however there are other programs available - just do a search on Google for "Spell checker for OE" - I am about 99.9% sure the problem is that there is no Spell Checker available for OE to use and thus the grayed out areas and the lack of tabs.