Specimen.

[Kirrie2001]

An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained: "Well, doc, it's like this - First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.
Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing." The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbour?" The old man replied,

"Yep. And no matter what we tried, we still couldn't get the jar open."

 

[Perris Calderon]

so, the next week, the same gentleman went to the same doctor to complain about his poor digestion;
"doc, whenever I move any part of my body, I pass wind, now" he says "the really scary part is...THEY DON'T SMELL"..."LOOK", so he moves his arm , and ther it goes, bang, "see, and look again"...moves his other arm, and badaboom, onther bomb..."but look, (snif,sniff)...this is really scarin me, cuz, THEY JUST DON'T SMELL"...doc looks at him, says ok, come to my operating room, and as they're walkin...you guessed right, every step; badaboom, badaboom, badaboom..."look, I can't even walk without breakin wind BUT THEY DON'T SMELL"...,so the doc. tells him to lie down on his operatin table, and the poor guys really scared now, and asks "well what're ya gonna do to me?"...and doc answers


"WE GOTTA FIND OUT WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR NOSE !!!"

 

[xsivforce]

lol

 

[loppdawg69]

good turn around

 

[Kirrie2001]

There`s another one here somewhere.

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?"
I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, Go for it!"

Two fat blokes in a pub. One says to the other "Your round."
The other one says "So are you, you fat *******!"

Two prostitutes standing on a street corner. One says to the other, "Have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
The other replies, "No, but I've been swung around by the boobs!"

Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid. The other was eating fireworks.
They charged one and let the other one off.

"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice."

A man walked into the doctors, he said "I've hurt my arm in several places." The doctor said "Well don't go there any more"

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day. But I couldn't find any.

I went to the butchers the other day. I bet him $150 that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf.
And he said, 'No, the steaks are too hig

 

[Perris Calderon]

I waited to see the sunrise this morning, it eventually dawned on me.

 

[O_o]

LMFAO. Good jokes in this thread.