Village Idiot
Osama's Cave

From: Bin Laden, Osama

To: All Al Queda Fighters

Subject: The Cave

Hi guys.

We've all been putting in long hours recently but we've really come together

as a group and I love that! However, while we are fighting a jihad, we can't

forget to take care of the cave, and frankly I have a few concerns:

First of all, while it's good to be concerned about cruise missiles, we

should be even more concerned about the dust in our cave. We want to avoid

excessive dust inhalation, (a health and safety issue) so we need to sweep

the cave daily. I've done my bit on the cleaning rota ...have you? I've

posted a sign-up sheet near the cave reception area(next to

the halal toaster).

Second, it's not often I make a video address but when I do, I'm trying to

scare the **** out of most of the world's population, okay? That means that

while we're taping, please do not ride your scooter in the background or

keep doing the 'Wassup' thing. Thanks.

Third: Food. I bought a box of Dairylea recently, clearly wrote "Ossy" on

the front, and put it on the top shelf. Today, two of my Dairylea slices

were gone. Consideration. That's all I'm saying.

Fourth: I'm not against team spirit and all that, but we must distance

ourselves from the Infidel's bat and ball games. Please do not chant Ossy

Ossy Ossy, Oy Oy Oy" when I ride past on the donkey. Thanks.

Five: Graffiti. To whoever wrote "OSAMA F***S DONKEYS" on the group toilet

wall, it's a lie. The donkey backed into me, whilst I was relieving myself

at the edge of the mountain.

Six: The use of chickens is strictly for food. Assam, the old excuse that

the 'chicken backed into me, whilst I was relieving myself at the edge of

the mountain' will not be accepted in future. (With donkeys, there is a grey


Finally, we've heard that there may be Western soldiers in disguise trying

to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for them. First

patrol will be Omar, Muhammad, Abdul, Akbar and Dave.

Love you lots, Group Hug. Os.

PS - I'm sick of having "Osama's Bed Linen" scribbled on my laundry bag. Cut

it out, it's not funny anymore.


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Perris Calderon wrote on Electronic Punk's profile.
Ep, glad to see you come back and tidy up...did want to ask a one day favor, I want to enhance my resume , was hoping you could make me administrator for a day, if so, take me right off since I won't be here to do anything, and don't know the slightest about the board, but it would be nice putting "served administrator osnn", if can do, THANKS

Been running around Quora lately, luv it there https://tinyurl.com/ycpxl
Electronic Punk wrote on Perris Calderon's profile.
All good still mate?
Hello, is there anybody in there? Just nod if you can hear me ...
What a long strange trip it's been. =)

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