My trip to Wal-Mart

drz01

Weekend DJ
Joined
19 Mar 2004
Messages
527
TRIP TO WAL-MART

Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit the Wonder Dog, and was in the checkout line when the woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant?

So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward, with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet, and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass, and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack -- he was laughing so hard. Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore.
 

American Zombie

Moderator
Staff member
Political Access
Joined
23 Jun 2004
Messages
2,961
Forgot to post the last line which is:

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.
 

Beginning

I'm Beginning Somehow...
Joined
8 Jun 2002
Messages
1,262
Hahahaha....... I almost fell off my chair laughing .... Good one.... :D
 

Members online

No members online now.

Latest profile posts

hello peeps... is been some time since i last came here.
Electronic Punk wrote on Sazar's profile.
Rest in peace my friend, been trying to find you and finally did in the worst way imaginable.
Terrahertz wrote on Electronic Punk's profile.
Yo fellas!
Electronic Punk wrote on Sazar's profile.
Where are you buddy?
Perris Calderon wrote on Electronic Punk's profile.
Hey EP! All good with me, applying for Microsoft MVP right now, should have done this a while ago.

Notifications don't work, I only found your response by coming back to hunt up some threads, if you want, give me your email address so we can keep in touch easier!

Forum statistics

Threads
62,000
Messages
673,425
Members
5,593
Latest member
moussa021