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If restuarants were like Microsoft...

C

chadmercer

Guest
#1
Patron: Waiter!

Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support

Waiter. What seems to be the problem?

Patron: There's a fly in my soup!

Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.

Patron: No, it's still there.

Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup; try eating it with a fork instead.

Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.

Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl are you using?

Patron: A SOUP bowl!

Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem;how was the bowl set up?

Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer; what has that to do with the fly in my soup?!

Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?

Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!

Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?

Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day??

Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour.

Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?

Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato.

Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup, and the check. I'm running late now.

Waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check.

Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check.

Patron: This is potato soup.

Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet.

Patron: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything.

Waiter leaves.

Patron: Waiter! There's a gnat in my soup!

The check:


Soup of the Day $5.00
Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day $2.50
Access to Support $1.00
TOTAL $8.50 + tax
 
C

chadmercer

Guest
#6
i just read this:

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
 
C

chadmercer

Guest
#9
here is another:

The president of Lotus walks into an elevator with a gun in his hand. In the elevator are: Sadam Hussein, Timmothy McVeigh, and Bill Gates, but there are only two bullets in the gun!

Who does he shoot???

Gates, twice to be sure!
 
C

chadmercer

Guest
#13
Microsoft today announced that it will be changing its name to "Moft" which will clear up space on users' hard disks. It is estimated that a typical Windows 2000 installation contains about 2,842,597 iterations of the word "Microsoft", in copyright notices, end-user licence agreements, 'About' screens, as well as several multi-megabyte files containing nothing else (the so-called ego.dll series), etc. So, after the change, a user will have about 14 MBytes more disk space. Stock prices of hard-disk manufacturers dipped slightly after the announcement.

"Well, the programs will take up less space on the user's disk," said Bill Gates, CEO of Moft. "But we have never cared about that. The change will allow us to ship Windows 2000 on 23 disks instead of 24, thus saving about $50 million a year in media costs. We are also looking at shortening the names of some of our software products; for instance 'The Microsoft Exchange' may be changed to 'The Moft Pit'. Gates denied that the move was because of problems with the alleged long filename support in Win95 which still uses 8.3 filenames underneath. He did admit, however, that "MICROS~1" did look a little ugly.

Gates added that the junior programmer who discovered the potential savings has been rewarded with a free copy of 'Moft Off for Moft Win 2000'
 

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