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funny:p

Henyman

Secret Goat Fetish
Political User
#1
A Fisherman's Tale

Two fellas are fishing in a boat under a bridge. One
looks up and sees a funeral procession starting across
the bridge. He stands up, takes off his cap, and bows
his head. The procession crosses the bridge and the man
puts on his cap, picks up his rod and reel, and
continues fishing.

The other guy says, "That was touching. I didn't know
you had it in you."

The first guy responds, "Well, I guess it was the thing
to do - after all, I was married to her for 40 years."


Rules of Bedroom Golf

1 Each player shall furnish his own equipment
for play.
2 Play must be permitted by the owner of the
hole.
3 Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the
club in the hole and keep the balls out.
4 For most effective play, the club should have
a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check
shaft stiffness before play begins.
5 Course owners reserve the right to restrict
club length to avoid damage to the hole.
6 The object of the game is to take as many
strokes as necessary until the course owner is
satisfied that play is completed. Failure to do so may
result in being denied permission to play the course
again.
7 It is considered bad form to begin playing the
hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The
experienced player will normally take time to admire
the entire course with special attention to well-formed
bunkers.
8 Players are cautioned not to mention other
courses they have played, or are currently playing, to
the owner of the course being played. Angry course
owners have been known to damage players' equipment for
this reason.
9 Players are encouraged to bring proper rain
gear for their own protection.
10 Players should ensure that the match has been
properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is
being played for the first time. Previous players have
been known to become irate if they discover someone
else playing on what they considered to be a private
course.
11 Players should not assume a course is in
shape for play at all times. Some players may be
embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarily
under repair. Players are advised to be extremely
tactful in this situation. More advanced players will
find alternative means of play when this is the case.
12 The course owner is responsible for
manicuring and pruning any bush around the hole to
allow for improved viewing of alignment with, and
approach to the hole.
13 Players are advised to obtain the course
owner's permission before attempting to play the back
nine.
14 Slow play is encouraged. However, players
should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace, at
least temporarily, at the course owner's request.
15 It is considered outstanding performance,
time permitting, to play the same hole several times in
one match.
 

Henyman

Secret Goat Fetish
Political User
#2
THE $99 CRUISE

A blonde walks by a travel agency and notices a sign in
the window,

"Cruise Special -- $99!".

She goes inside, lays her money on the counter and
says, "I'd like the $99 cruise special, please."

The agent grabs her, drags her into the back room, ties
her to a large inner tube, then drags her out the
back door and downhill to the river, where he pushes
her in and sends her floating.

A second blonde comes by a few minutes later, sees the
sign, goes inside, lays her money on the counter, and
asks for the $99 special.

She too is tied to an inner tube and sent floating down
the river.

Drifting into stronger current, she eventually catches
up with the first blonde.

They float side by side for a while before the first
blonde asks,

"Do they serve refreshments on this cruise?

The second blonde replies, " They didn't last year."


AN OLD FART

One evening, a family brings their frail, elderly
mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she
will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses
bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a
chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.

She seems O.K. but after a while she slowly starts to
lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses
immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up.

Again, she seems O.K. but after a while she starts to
tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once
more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning.

Later, the family arrives to see how the old woman is
adjusting to her new home. "So Ma, how is it here? Are
they treating you all right?" they ask.

"It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let
you fart.
 

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