indyjones
OSNN.net Adventurer
- Joined
- 5 Nov 2002
- Messages
- 1,567
Hard to believe but highly amusing .................one or two are a little tongue in cheek
Today's kids, tomorrows teachers! Oh dear! The following questions were set in last year's GCSE examinations in Swindon. These are genuine responses (from 16 year olds).
Geography
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to
drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large
pollutant
like grit, sand, dead sheep, and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water
tends to
flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature
abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Sociology
Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.
Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Biology
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow. [He got an A!!]
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised? (e.g. abdomen)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax the
abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains
the
heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels,
A,E,O U,
and I.
Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section."
A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.
Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.
Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport
Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like
umbrellas.
English
Q: Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show you understand its
meaning.
A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.
Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Technology
Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab or Sheik wears on his head.
Today's kids, tomorrows teachers! Oh dear! The following questions were set in last year's GCSE examinations in Swindon. These are genuine responses (from 16 year olds).
Geography
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to
drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large
pollutant
like grit, sand, dead sheep, and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water
tends to
flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature
abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Sociology
Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.
Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Biology
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow. [He got an A!!]
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised? (e.g. abdomen)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax the
abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains
the
heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels,
A,E,O U,
and I.
Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section."
A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.
Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.
Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport
Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like
umbrellas.
English
Q: Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show you understand its
meaning.
A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.
Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Technology
Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab or Sheik wears on his head.
