Dumb Crook Stories
BETTER HOLD ON TO THOSE PANTIES...THEY COULD COME IN HANDY
A repeat offender got a life sentence for a small-time shoplifting caper
in Jupiter, Florida. The man stole $49.73 worth of boxer shorts,
panties, a sports bra and some cigarette lighters from a Wal-Mart store.
His fatal mistake was flashing a knife at a security guard -- which
turned his petty theft into a felony. Since the man had been released
from prison less than three years ago, Florida's repeat offender law
required the judge to send him away for life without the possibility of
parole.
INSULT TO INJURY
An unemployed sanitation worker in Miami is also facing life in prison
-- for shooting himself in the privates. In a drunken stupor, the man
reached for a pistol he had hidden in his pants. The gun went off, and
the bullet struck the man in the... nuggets. At first, he told officers
someone else had shot him, but changed his story after paramedics found
the shell casing in his underwear. Cops ruled the shooting accidental,
but the man was charged with a concealed weapons violation and
possession of a firearm by a convicted felon. The maximum sentence for
those crimes is normally 15 years but, because the man has a record as a
violent career criminal, a Miami prosecutor is asking the judge to send
him away for life. The man's public defender calls that "ridiculous,"
and says the man's injury is punishment enough.
HEY -- WHAT ABOUT MY ACCOMPLICE?
A luckless thief pleaded guilty to the attempted robbery of a
convenience store in Detroit Lakes, Minnesota. The thief told a
passereby he was going to rob the store, gave the man a dollar, and
asked him to go inside and buy a scarf to hide his identity during the
crime. The bystander took the dollar, went inside the store... and
called the police.
OOPS! OF THE WEEK
A thief in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina has learned a valuable lesson:
if you're going to steal restaurant equipment, be sure to remove
pictures of the original owner's grandchildren before setting the stuff
up in your own restaurant. John Ubbing, owner of Giovanni's Pizzeria in
Calabash, North Carolina, lost an assortment of pizza-making equipment
in a March robbery. A refrigerator stolen in the heist later turned up
inside the Myrtle Beach restaurant -- where cops found pictures of
Ubbing's grandchildren still stuck to the side of it. The owner of the
second restaurant was arrested.
I TOLDJA COMPUTERS WERE RUINING AMERICA!
During a high school break-in in Plymouth, North Carolina, two burglars
found a camera in one of the classrooms and amused themselves by taking
pictures of each other committing the crime. When they couldn't figure
out how to get the film out of the camera, they concluded it wasn't
loaded and left it behind. The men apparently didn't realize they'd been
fooling around with a digital camera that stores pictures on a computer
disk. Investigators downloaded the snapshots to a computer and got a
complete photographic record of the break-in. The suspects were quickly
arrested.
I THOUGHT THIS'D BE THE LAST PLACE THEY'D LOOK...!
A Nevada fugitive wanted on fraud charges was arrested in Connecticut
after he blew his cover by applying for a job... as a police officer.
The Connecticut cops discovered the man's fugitive status during a
standard background check. He had passed both the written and agility
tests before being found out. Police called the man in to headquarters
under the guise of getting his fingerprints, and served him with an
arrest warrant instead.
AND FINALLY...
Admitting his 0-4 record is not impressive "on paper," trainers
announced that Lucky, a German shepherd guide dog for the blind in
Wuppertal, Germany, is available for his fifth owner. Lucky led his
first owner in front of a bus, killing him. Then he led the second off
the end of a pier, drowning him. He nudged his third owner off a railway
platform in front of an express train, killing him. And he walked his
fourth owner into heavy traffic, abandoning him to be hit and killed.
The new owner won't be told of Lucky's record -- the trainers say the
dog might sense nervousness "and do something silly."
BETTER HOLD ON TO THOSE PANTIES...THEY COULD COME IN HANDY
A repeat offender got a life sentence for a small-time shoplifting caper
in Jupiter, Florida. The man stole $49.73 worth of boxer shorts,
panties, a sports bra and some cigarette lighters from a Wal-Mart store.
His fatal mistake was flashing a knife at a security guard -- which
turned his petty theft into a felony. Since the man had been released
from prison less than three years ago, Florida's repeat offender law
required the judge to send him away for life without the possibility of
parole.
INSULT TO INJURY
An unemployed sanitation worker in Miami is also facing life in prison
-- for shooting himself in the privates. In a drunken stupor, the man
reached for a pistol he had hidden in his pants. The gun went off, and
the bullet struck the man in the... nuggets. At first, he told officers
someone else had shot him, but changed his story after paramedics found
the shell casing in his underwear. Cops ruled the shooting accidental,
but the man was charged with a concealed weapons violation and
possession of a firearm by a convicted felon. The maximum sentence for
those crimes is normally 15 years but, because the man has a record as a
violent career criminal, a Miami prosecutor is asking the judge to send
him away for life. The man's public defender calls that "ridiculous,"
and says the man's injury is punishment enough.
HEY -- WHAT ABOUT MY ACCOMPLICE?
A luckless thief pleaded guilty to the attempted robbery of a
convenience store in Detroit Lakes, Minnesota. The thief told a
passereby he was going to rob the store, gave the man a dollar, and
asked him to go inside and buy a scarf to hide his identity during the
crime. The bystander took the dollar, went inside the store... and
called the police.
OOPS! OF THE WEEK
A thief in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina has learned a valuable lesson:
if you're going to steal restaurant equipment, be sure to remove
pictures of the original owner's grandchildren before setting the stuff
up in your own restaurant. John Ubbing, owner of Giovanni's Pizzeria in
Calabash, North Carolina, lost an assortment of pizza-making equipment
in a March robbery. A refrigerator stolen in the heist later turned up
inside the Myrtle Beach restaurant -- where cops found pictures of
Ubbing's grandchildren still stuck to the side of it. The owner of the
second restaurant was arrested.
I TOLDJA COMPUTERS WERE RUINING AMERICA!
During a high school break-in in Plymouth, North Carolina, two burglars
found a camera in one of the classrooms and amused themselves by taking
pictures of each other committing the crime. When they couldn't figure
out how to get the film out of the camera, they concluded it wasn't
loaded and left it behind. The men apparently didn't realize they'd been
fooling around with a digital camera that stores pictures on a computer
disk. Investigators downloaded the snapshots to a computer and got a
complete photographic record of the break-in. The suspects were quickly
arrested.
I THOUGHT THIS'D BE THE LAST PLACE THEY'D LOOK...!
A Nevada fugitive wanted on fraud charges was arrested in Connecticut
after he blew his cover by applying for a job... as a police officer.
The Connecticut cops discovered the man's fugitive status during a
standard background check. He had passed both the written and agility
tests before being found out. Police called the man in to headquarters
under the guise of getting his fingerprints, and served him with an
arrest warrant instead.
AND FINALLY...
Admitting his 0-4 record is not impressive "on paper," trainers
announced that Lucky, a German shepherd guide dog for the blind in
Wuppertal, Germany, is available for his fifth owner. Lucky led his
first owner in front of a bus, killing him. Then he led the second off
the end of a pier, drowning him. He nudged his third owner off a railway
platform in front of an express train, killing him. And he walked his
fourth owner into heavy traffic, abandoning him to be hit and killed.
The new owner won't be told of Lucky's record -- the trainers say the
dog might sense nervousness "and do something silly."
