Content check

Joined
Feb 2, 2004
Messages
7,027
#1
Okay I've filled in the proposed text for the initial page of my hosting site. I've yet to sort out the CSS styling for it, but it's the text I need checking out not how awesomely pretty it won't be :p

http://www.redmeteor.net/beta/

Check out the text and let me know if you can think of ways I can improve it and whether or not it would encourage you to either read more or place an order. If it doesn't do either explain what puts you off and what changes might make you read more or go so far as placing an order.

Their might be discounts on offer for those that help me out especially for folks in the US that would be put off by the strong pound :)

Thanks!
 
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#2
I haven't formatted it yet :p

Proof read the text. I explained exactly what I wanted in my original post.
 

Vanquished

Mr. Bananagrabber
Political User
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#3
Sorry.
Something just isnt going through to me.
I really cant understand what you're saying.
Maybe im too tired.
 
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#4
Read the text. Having read said text how do you feel? Does it compel you to read further, place an order, or run as fast as possible screaming at the top of your lungs down the motorway?
 

Vanquished

Mr. Bananagrabber
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#5
Read the text. Having read said text how do you feel? Does it compel you to read further, place an order, or run as fast as possible screaming at the top of your lungs down the motorway?
Im sorry, it has nothing to do with your wording.
Its just not computing with me right now.
I'll read into it tomorrow after some sleep.
Thus,
good night everyone :)
 

madmatt

Bow Down to the King
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Joined
Apr 5, 2002
Messages
13,312
#7
I like the wording. It makes sense. Easy to read.

Got a server? Got time to manage it? No? Red Meteor can help!
I don't think this is proper, even by UK standards.

Do you have a server? Do you have the time to manage it? No? Red Meteor can help!
Also,

Red Meteor staff have been running internet facing servers since 1999 and have a wealth of experiance of Linux, BSD and Windows Server operating systems as well as knowledge of cPanel, Plesk and Directadmin control panels.
Should be...?

Red Meteor staff has been running Internet facing servers since 1999 and have a wealth of experiance with Linux, BSD, and Windows Server operating systems as well as knowledge with cPanel, Plesk, and Directadmin control panels.
Maybe it's just this silly American? But Internet is a proper noun and the use of "have" (first sentence) and "of" doesn't sound right.
 
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#8
"has" instead of "have" there is incredibly bad English, whichever variation you speak. "has" would fit if "staff" wasn't in the sentence. But since I've been calling myself "RedMeteor" only a few months but "digitalEuphoria" since 1999... :)

I'm not sure that internet should be capitalised as its an object or collection of objects, not a name.

The other sugestions do come across better, just a touch less informal.
 

Grandmaster

Electronica Addict
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Feb 3, 2002
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#9
In general "have" is grammatically correct when used after a plural noun.

"Has" would be incorrect.
 

falconguard

Carbon based lifeform
Political User
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3,406
#10
You are correct in using "have"

"has" makes the sentence sound past tense, as all the red meteor staff used to run servers but don't anymore.


"...have a wealth of experiance with Linux, BSD, and Windows Server operating systems as well as knowledge with cPanel, Plesk, and Directadmin control panels. "

I would drop " as well as knowledge with" for along with cPanel, Plesk and Directadmin.

just seems kind of redundant to me.
 

madmatt

Bow Down to the King
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#12
Professionally speaking... "Spring for a dedicated server and have the whole machine to yourself!" does not sound right.

"Sign up for a dedicated server and have the whole machine to yourself!"

I am huge on consistency. I love your quote: "Space. Power. Simplicity." You have it right in the <TITLE> but not in your logo. You forgot the "." at the end of "Simplicity".

Other than that I think it is a great start.
 

Brad

OSNN Veteran Addict
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#13
I would have used "has" because the staff is considered a singular, not plural entity. If he said the "staffs", have would be correct.
 
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#14
Brad, where on earth did you learn english? Staff is both singluar and plural, depending on what follows it in the sentence.

e.g:

Singluar: He was a staff member.
Plural: There are a lot of staff on shift tonight.
 
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7,027
#17
staffs is wrong. period.

if you're talking about sticks its staves as plural and staff as singular.

When talking about the employees of a company staff is both singular and plural.

I will fly over there and beat you black and blue if you cannot grasp this simple fact of the english language!

I mean think about it:

Redmeteor staffs has been running internet facing servers since 1999.....

how much sense does that make? The flow is just wrong.
 

Brad

OSNN Veteran Addict
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#18
I wasn't saying add the "S", I was saying "I would have used "has" because the staff is considered a singular, not plural entity"

learn to read, or I suggest you keep the threats to yourself.
 
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7,027
#19
has is wrong following staff in the context of the sentence I've used it in.

I'd recommend you go take an english refresher...
 

Grandmaster

Electronica Addict
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10,574
#20
Play nice kids.

LordOfLa: He is just trying to help out man. If you are such a master of the English language, it doesn't make sense to me why you are asking for help then.
 

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