AOL... to the tune of "American Pie"

gonaads

Beware the G-Man
Political Access
Joined
31 Mar 2002
Messages
18,474
To the tune of "American Pie"


A long, long, time ago
I can still remember when I dialed up their help desk lines.
And I knew if I had the chance
They could make my modem dance
with chats and GIFs and silly pick-up lines.


But Help Desk phone calls made me shiver
with every busy they'd deliver.
Bad news on the front page
A 19-hour outrage.


I can't remember if I cried
when I realized that Steve Case had lied.
But something touched me deep inside
The day
the service
died.


So bye bye to Amer'ca Online
Drove my modem to a domain and it's working just fine.
And good old geeks are cheering users offline
Saying this'll be the day that they die.
This'll be the day that they die.



Did you write the book of TOS
Will you send your password to PWD-BOSS
If an IM tells you so.

And will you believe the Motley Fool
When he tells you that the service rules
And can you teach me how to Web real slow?

Well I know you sold the service short
Cause I read your quarterly report.

Steve Case sold off his stock
It fell just like a rock.

It was a crazy, costly high-tech play
As they slashed away at what subscribers pay
And half their users went away
the day the service died.

So bye bye to Amer'ca Online
Drove my modem to a domain and it's working just fine
And good old geeks are cheering users offline
Saying this'll be the day that they die.
This'll be the day that they die.



Well for two days we've been on our own
And dial-ins click on a rolling phone
But that's not how it used to be

When the mogul came to Virginia court
With an OS icon and a browser port
And a desktop that looked like Apple III.

And while Jim Clark was looking down
The mogul stole his thorny crown

The browser war was turned.
Mozilla...was spurned.

And while Steve left users out to bond
With hosts unable to respond
6 million newbies all were conned
the day the service died.

So bye bye to Amer'ca Online
Drove my modem to a domain and it's working just fine
And good old geeks are cheering users offline
Saying this'll be the day that they die.
This'll be the day that they die.


Da Chronic ducked their software guards
And stole a million credit cards
To use accounts he'd gotten free.

And so Steve Case went to the FBI
and he told Boardwatch a little lie
That hackers wanted child pornography

But while Steve Case was looking down
The hackers pulled his e-mail down

They put it on the net.
He can't be trusted yet!

And while user cynicism climbs
At sign-on ads and welcome rhymes
They scan their e-mail for "Good Times"
the day the service died.

So bye bye to Amer'ca Online
Drove my modem to a domain and it's working just fine
And good old geeks are cheering users offline
Saying this'll be the day that they die.
This'll be the day that they die.


Helter-skelter billing needs a melter
The lawyers filed a class-action shelter
Eight million in lawyer's fees.

But it looks like some attorney jibe
an hour if they resubscribe.
To a service marketed for free

Well I KNOW you're raking in the bucks
Cause I'm reading alt.aol-sucks.

"Until we bless the suit
The settlement is moot."

"If AOL treats you like the Borg
Then visit aolsucks.org
Before some router pulls the cord..."
the day the service died.

So bye bye to Amer'ca Online
Drove my modem to a domain and it's working just fine
And good old geeks are cheering users offline
Saying this'll be the day that they die.
This'll be the day that they die.


Bill Razzouk, the head-to-be
sold off his home in Tennessee
And headed for a 4-month end.

Was he sad or just incensed
when Case offered him his thirty cents.
Billing is the devil's only friend.

But as I read him on the page
My hands were clenched in fists of rage.

No "Welcome" born in hell
could ring that chatroom bell.

And as chat freaks cried into the night
CompuServe read their last rites.
I saw Earthlink laughing with delight
the day the service died.

So bye bye to Amer'ca Online
Drove my modem to a domain and it's working just fine
And good old geeks are cheering users offline
Saying this'll be the day that they die.
This'll be the day that they die.


I met a girl in Lobby 9
And I asked her if she'd stay on-line.
But she just frowned and looked away.

And I went back to the Member Lounge
To see what loyalty I could scrounge
But the Room Host said the members went away...

And on the net the modems scream
At faster speeds and data streams.

And not a tear was spoken.
The hourly fees were broken.

And the three men that I hated most
Ted, and Steve, and Razzouk's ghost
They couldn't dial up the host
The day the service died.

:D
 
You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to gonaads again.
When it permits, you definitely get some rep for this.
 
So who is going to sing this with karaoke music and upload it?
 
I think all we need to do is get somebody drunk enough. So whos going to do it?
 
:yowch: :lick: if you pay me enough, I just might :laugh:

I still need the music to it though :cry: Can't Kara a tune without the Oke :squareeye

And I can't promise it'll be the same quality as the Star Wars version of Weird Al Jankovic

But then,
I ain't got the doe
to make a video

:laugh:
 
Still waiting for somebosy to sign this and upload it :D
 
Wish AOL would employ people with computer experience.

Some dumb Woman (when enquiring why had my speed not doubled when it was supposed to) told me I need to use their free network solutions firewall and if that fails format my HD.

I found out what the problem was eventually, 3 days later, their computer system had not been told I am supposed to receive 2.2 mb.

So.....why, why Ireland call centre for AOL, why, do you employ idiots that make their customers cry, AOL, go down to the Job Centre and tell them hire..hire people with a brain, that's why, coz you slip on your ass like a Clown with a Custard pie!

Why, why, AOL, why!
 
Lee said:
Wish AOL would employ people with computer experience.

Some dumb Woman (when enquiring why had my speed not doubled when it was supposed to) told me I need to use their free network solutions firewall and if that fails format my HD.

I found out what the problem was eventually, 3 days later, their computer system had not been told I am supposed to receive 2.2 mb.

So.....why, why Ireland call centre for AOL, why, do you employ idiots that make their customers cry, AOL, go down to the Job Centre and tell them hire..hire people with a brain, that's why, coz you slip on your ass like a Clown with a Custard pie!

Why, why, AOL, why!


... For giggles? :crosseyed:
 
Sounds more like a Tom Jones classic rather than America Pie. :s
 
Internet giveith and AOL taketh away.
 
Lee said:
why, do you employ idiots that make their customers cry, AOL
Why, why, AOL, why!
Uhm, that's not only AOL, I remember trying to fix a connection problem for my brother-in-law, and since half an hour later I still got nowhere, I decided to call the helpdesk...

a dozen questions and "Done that"'s later she informed me that she couldn't help me then... another few bucks down the drain....:dead:

Needless to say I ended up fixing the problem myself, although I can't for the love of life remember what :laugh:
 

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Also Hi EP and people. I found this place again while looking through a oooollllllldddd backup. I have filled over 10TB and was looking at my collection of antiques. Any bids on the 500Mhz Win 95 fix?
Any of the SP crew still out there?
Xie wrote on Electronic Punk's profile.
Impressed you have kept this alive this long EP! So many sites have come and gone. :(

Just did some crude math and I apparently joined almost 18yrs ago, how is that possible???
hello peeps... is been some time since i last came here.
Electronic Punk wrote on Sazar's profile.
Rest in peace my friend, been trying to find you and finally did in the worst way imaginable.

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