A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman are sat in a bar.

[ZeroHour]

A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman are sat in a bar.

The Scotsman says “I called our son Andrew because he was born on Saint Andrews day”

The Englishman says “Well i never! I called my son George because he was born on Saint Georges day”

The Irishman says “Ah bejeevis! the same thing happened with me and my boy pancake”

 

[kcnychief]

I don't get it?

 

[Electronic Punk]

We have something called Pancake day over here.
Is on Shrove tuesday before Ash wednesday if I recall correctly.

 

[kcnychief]

Ah, I guess that makes sense.

 

[KingKian]

Singaporean call his son, Father... coz he was born on Father's Day

 

[rushm001]

An Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman are all playing golf with their wives. The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and as she bends over to place her ball a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.

"Good God !! why aren't you wearing any knickers?" her husband demanded.

"Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford to buy any".

The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency here's 50 pounds, go and buy yourself some underwear."

Next the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt blows up to show that she is wearing no undies. "Bejesus woman !! You've no knickers ---- why not?"

She replies "I can't afford any on the money you give me."

He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency here's 20 pounds, go and buy yourself some underwear!"

Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she too is naked under it. "Hoot, Lassie! Why d'ye have no knickers?"

She too explains, "You don't give me enough housekeeping money to be able to afford any."

The Scot reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency here's a COMB, tidy yourself up a bit!"

 

[Steevo]

A comb? Harr, mebey a RAZOR!!!

 

[kcnychief]

A comb? Harr, mebey a RAZOR!!!

Don't you mean RAZR?

 

[Evil Marge]

An Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman are all playing golf with their wives. The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and as she bends over to place her ball a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.

"Good God !! why aren't you wearing any knickers?" her husband demanded.

"Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford to buy any".

The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency here's 50 pounds, go and buy yourself some underwear."

Next the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt blows up to show that she is wearing no undies. "Bejesus woman !! You've no knickers ---- why not?"

She replies "I can't afford any on the money you give me."

He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency here's 20 pounds, go and buy yourself some underwear!"

Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she too is naked under it. "Hoot, Lassie! Why d'ye have no knickers?"

She too explains, "You don't give me enough housekeeping money to be able to afford any."

The Scot reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency here's a COMB, tidy yourself up a bit!"

haha :cheeky:

 

[stevanhogg]

SCOTTISH FRUITCAKE RECIPE.

You'll need the following:
1 cup of water
1 cup of sugar
4 large brown eggs
2 cups of dried fruit
1 teaspoon of salt
1 cup of brown sugar
Lemon juice
1 cup of nuts
1 bottle of whiskey.

Sample the whiskey to check for quality.
Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again. To be sure it's the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.

Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.

Make sure the whiskey is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Beat two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the tuner. If the fired druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whiskey. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.
Grease the oven.

Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window. Check the whiskey again and go to bed. Who the hell likes fruitcake anyway??