A guy walks into a bar...

Unwonted said:
A rope walks into a bar...."I'm a frayed knot."

LOL! Forgot that one: it's one of my favorite classics.

Any more bar jokes, anyone?
 
A drunk stammers out of a bar and runs right into two priests. He says, "I'm Jesus Christ." The first priest says, "No, son, you're not." So the drunk says it to the second priest. The second priest says, "No, son, you're not." The drunk says, "Look, I can prove it." He walks back into the bar with the two priests. The bartender takes one look at the drunk and exclaims, "Jesus Christ, you're here again?"
 
A hamburger walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food in here."
 
Variation on one already posted.

Two guys walk into a bar.
Ya figure the second guy would have seen it.
 
a pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging out of his pants..
the bartenders says "hey buddy you know you got a steering wheel hanging out of your pants?"
pirate replys "aye, its driving me nuts"
 
mooo said:
a pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging out of his pants..
the bartenders says "hey buddy you know you got a steering wheel hanging out of your pants?"
pirate replys "aye, its driving me nuts"
ARR! ARR!
:laugh:
 
A man walked into a bar holding an alligator. He asked the bartender, "Do you serve lawyers here?" The bartender said, "Yes, we do!" "Good," replied the man. "Give me a beer, and I'll have a lawyer for my alligator."
 
A panda walks into a bar and orders a drink. When he's done, he shoots everyone except the bartender. "What was that for?" said the bartender. "It's bad for business!" "Look me in the encyclopedia," said the panda and leaves. So the bartender pulls out an encyclopedia "panda, eats: shoots and leaves."
 
and get promptly kicked out!
 
I walked into a bar, and the bartender asked to see my ID. Flattered, I said "Gee, isn't it obvious I'm over 21?" Bartender replies, "Obviously... but I'm a history buff and wanted to see if yours was authorized by George Washington..."
 
A giraffe walks into a bar, and the bartenders says, "So, why the long neck?"
The giraffe replies, "Because my feet stink."
 
I walked into a bar, sat down, dropped the cashews on my lap

asked about it I said;

I guess I'm fookin nuts
 
A little guy walks into a bar and slips on some vomit. Minutes later a tough guy walks into the bar and slips on the vomit as well. The little guy says, "I just did that." The big guy then beats the little guy up.

A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "Gimme a beer, and a mop."


A man walks into a bar and sits down next to a lady and a dog. The man asks, "Does your dog bite?". The lady answers, "Never!" The man reaches out to pet the dog and the dog bites him. The man says, "I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!" The woman replies, "He doesn't. This isn't my dog."

A kangaroo walks into a bar. He orders a beer. The bartender says, "That'll be $10. You know, we don't get many kangaroos coming in here, you know." The kangaroo says, "At $10 a beer, it's not hard to understand."

A man walks into a bar and says, "Give me a beer before problems start!" Again, the man orders a beer again saying, "Give me a beer before problems start!" The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man "When are you going to pay for these beers?" The man answers, "Now the problems start!"

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender sets the beer down and says, "For you, no charge!"

A woman goes into a bar and asks for a "double entendre". So the bartender gave her one.

A pig goes into a bar and orders ten drinks. He finishes them up and the bartender says, "Don't you need to know where the bathroom is?" The pig says, "No, I go wee wee all the way home."

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer please, and one for the road."
 
A pony walks into a bar and says "Bartender, may I have a drink?"

Bartender says "What? I can't hear you. Speak up!"

"May I please have a drink?"

"What? You have to speak up!"

"Could I please have a drink?"

"Now listen, if you don't speak up I will not serve you."

"I'm sorry, I'm just a little hoarse."
 
A baby seal walks into a bar and sits down. "What can I get you?" asked the bartender.

"Anything but a Canadian Club" replied the seal.


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Blind Man

A blind man walks into a bar with a seeing-eye dog. When the blind man reaches the center of the bar, he snatches the dog up by his collar and starts swinging him around and around.

The bartender speaks up and says "Hey what the hell are you doing?"

The blind man says, "Just taking a look around.."
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A guy walks into a bar and sees a dog lying in the corner licking his balls. He turns to the bartender and says, "Boy, I wish I could do that."

The Bartender replies, "You'd better try petting him first."


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This guy walks into a bar with a frog on his head.

The bartender says, "Hey, what's that?"

To which the frog replies "I don't know. It started as a wart on my bum and this happened."
 
A man walks into a pub, goes up to the bar "Pint of your best" he says to the bar man.

Whilst waiting for his drink he notices that Vincent Van Gogh is sitting at one of the tables. He goes up to him and says "Are you Vincent Van Gogh?"

"Yes" the old man replies.

"Do you want a pint?"

"No, ta. I've got one `ere."
 

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Also Hi EP and people. I found this place again while looking through a oooollllllldddd backup. I have filled over 10TB and was looking at my collection of antiques. Any bids on the 500Mhz Win 95 fix?
Any of the SP crew still out there?
Xie wrote on Electronic Punk's profile.
Impressed you have kept this alive this long EP! So many sites have come and gone. :(

Just did some crude math and I apparently joined almost 18yrs ago, how is that possible???
hello peeps... is been some time since i last came here.
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Rest in peace my friend, been trying to find you and finally did in the worst way imaginable.

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