Search results

  1. ZeroHour

    Fixed GMail is marking new post notifications as spam

    Hi I never got notified about a new post so I checked gmails spam folder and you guys are being flagged up. Here is the full mail (minus my email address) to help diagnose. Delivered-To: ##############@########## Received: by 10.216.20.136 with SMTP id p8cs60598wep; Fri, 11 Sep 2009...
  2. ZeroHour

    Pleasing a wife is hard work sometimes.

    Jill and John got married. John thought this would be a "marriage of the 90's" -- equal roles for equal partners. So, the first morning back from their honeymoon, he brought Jill breakfast in bed. Jill wasn't impressed with his culinary skills, however. She looked disdainfully at the tray...
  3. ZeroHour

    Blizzard

    It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when the blonde got off work late one night. She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home. She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation. She finally...
  4. ZeroHour

    Power Failure

    This is a true story from the Word Perfect helpline which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the helpdesk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause". (Actual dialogue...
  5. ZeroHour

    Glasgow Commonwealth Games in 2014

    As you may know, the East End of Glasgow will be hosting the Commonwealth Games in 2014. What you may not know, is that many aspects of the games have been especially altered to embrace the culture of the area. A copy of these changes has been leaked in a memo which a friend of mine has seen and...
  6. ZeroHour

    Scottish twins

    A Gendarme spots a hire car approaching the Champs Elysees with a rear light out. He beckons the driver to pull over, which he does and winds his window down. The Officer has a good look inside the car and notices that the driver and passenger are conjoined twins, Boaby & Davy from Glasgow...
  7. ZeroHour

    Ex-Lax Cough Syrup

    John was a clerk in a small drugstore but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted. Bob, the owner, had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed would be his last. Just then a man came in coughing and he asked John for their best cough...
  8. ZeroHour

    c# - bindingnavigator understanding

    Hi I am a noobie with c# in VS 2005 but I have done some ASP.NET using c#. The background: I have a program that links into MySQL (MSSQL is damn expensive) using a reference called MySQLdriverCS (freeware). I can connect to the db and retrieve a datatable succesfully using this addon. Now once...
  9. ZeroHour

    Napoleon Dynamite - The Best Geek Dance EVER!

    This ROCKS!! LOL (rate it on google) http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-2700022828128929910
  10. ZeroHour

    If Men Wrote Advice Columns!!!!

    Q. My husband wants a threesome with my friend & me A. Obviously your husband can’t get enough of you. Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing, your best friend! Far from being an issue, this can only bring you closer together. Why not get some of your...
  11. ZeroHour

    Drug Squad

    With the rising numbers of drug arrests, the thames valley police recently decided on a crackdown. With all the failed previous attempts, it was decided that a special task force would speak to individuals known to be taking drugs, before they were arrested. Two officers were chosen as a...
  12. ZeroHour

    Lol

    A US lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defence: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offence committed by his limb." "Well...
  13. ZeroHour

    Dr. Phil

    Dr. Phil Was Conducting A Group Therapy Session With Four Young Mothers And Their Small Children. "you All Have Obsessions" He Observed. To The First Mother, He Said, "you Are Obsessed With Eating. You've Even Named Your Daughter Candy." He Turned To The Second Mom. "your Obsession...
  14. ZeroHour

    Fishing

    The Pope was cruising along the beach in the Pope-mobile when there was a frantic commotion just off-shore. A helpless man, wearing an English rugby jersey, was struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 25-foot shark. As the Pope watched in horror, a speedboat pulled up with...
  15. ZeroHour

    Who says women always have the last say in things?

    "I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting...
  16. ZeroHour

    A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman are sat in a bar.

    A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman are sat in a bar. The Scotsman says “I called our son Andrew because he was born on Saint Andrews day” The Englishman says “Well i never! I called my son George because he was born on Saint Georges day” The Irishman says “Ah bejeevis! the same...
  17. ZeroHour

    Blonde

    A blonde lady is driving along a country road minding her own business when she catches out of the corner of her eye another blonde lady. This one is sitting in a grassy field to the side of the road. She is sat inside a small boat and appears to be trying to row. The blone in the car...
  18. ZeroHour

    Comedy one liners from Edinburgh festival

    I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat. Marcus Brigstocke at the Assembly Rooms Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation. Jimmy Carr The right to bear arms is slightly less ludicrous than the right to arm bears. Chris Addison at...
  19. ZeroHour

    The joy of getting older

    Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old man. "You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and nothing comes out." "Ah, that's nothing," said the 70-year-old. When you're seventy, you don't have a bowel movement any more. You take laxatives...
  20. ZeroHour

    Dave

    quite an old joke this one so it may be a repost. i only saw it today and had to laugh. Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know Everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them" Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about...