Your Horoscope For Today

Discussion in 'Funny Farm' started by Khayman, Oct 24, 2002.

  1. Khayman

    Khayman I'm sorry Hal... Political User Folding Team

    Messages:
    5,518
    Location:
    England
    AQUARIUS!
    There's travel in your future when your tongue freezes
    to the back of a speeding bus
    Fill that void in your pathetic life by playing Whack-A-
    Mole 17 hours a day

    PISCES!
    Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos with the Ebola virus
    You are the true Lord of the Dance, no matter what
    those idiots at work say

    ARIES!
    The look on your face will be priceless when you find
    that 40-pound watermelon in your colon
    Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf, then give a
    hickey to Meryl Streep

    TAURUS!
    You will never find true happiness - what you gonna
    do, cry about it?
    The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch
    of stuff and then go back to sleep

    GEMINI!
    Your birthday party will be ruined once again by your
    explosive flatulence
    Your love life will run into trouble your fiance
    hurls a javelin through your chest

    CANCER!
    The position of Jupiter says that you should spend the
    rest of the week face down in the mud
    Try not to shove a roll of duct tape up your nose while
    taking your driver's test

    LEO!
    Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt and
    staple it to your boss's face, oh no
    Eat a bucket of tuna-flavored pudding, then wash it
    down with a gallon of strawberry Quik

    VIRGO!
    All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent -
    except for you
    Expect a big surprise today when you wind up with
    your head impaled upon a stick

    LIBRA!
    A big promotion is just around the corner for someone
    much more talented than you
    Laughter is the very best medicine, remember that
    when your appendix bursts next week

    SCORPIO!
    Get ready for an unexpected trip when you fall
    screaming from an open window
    Work a little bit harder on improving your
    low self esteem, you stupid freak

    SAGITTARIUS!
    All your friends are laughing behind your back...
    kill them
    Take down all those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine
    you've got hanging in your den

    CAPRICORN!
    The stars say that you're an exciting and wonderful
    person... but you know they're lying
    If I were you, I'd lock my doors and windows and never
    never never never never leave my house again


    Of course some of you will know where this comes from
     
  2. funky dredd

    funky dredd Moderator

    Messages:
    2,346
    Location:
    Florida
    TAURUS!
    You will never find true happiness - what you gonna
    do, cry about it?
    The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch
    of stuff and then go back to sleep

    Alright no happiness here - I'm at work! But in another hour and a half I will be asleep!!! lol
     
  3. Kirrie2001

    Kirrie2001 Guest

    He He He. Excellent.

    Taken from the Financial Times I presume. :D
     
  4. SPeedY_B

    SPeedY_B I may actually be insane.

    Messages:
    15,800
    Location:
    Midlands, England
    /me gets dancin'
     
  5. Tabula Rasa

    Tabula Rasa Stranger Than Kindness Political User

    Messages:
    3,233
    Location:
    Israel
    Hmmm figurs... :D