What if People Bought Cars Like They Buy Computers?

Discussion in 'Funny Farm' started by ZeroHour, Jun 14, 2004.

  1. ZeroHour

    ZeroHour ho3 ho3 ho3

    To make up for the duplicate joke Henyman ;)

    General Motors doesn't have a "help line" for people who don't know how todrive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers -- but imagineif they did . . .

    HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
    CUSTOMER: "I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!"
    HELPLINE: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"
    CUSTOMER: "What's an ignition?"
    HELPLINE: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine."
    CUSTOMER: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all of these technical terms just to use my car?"
    HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
    CUSTOMER: "My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go anywhere!"
    HELPLINE: "Is the gas tank empty?"
    CUSTOMER: "Huh? How do I know!?"
    HELPLINE: "There's a little gauge on the front panel, with a needle, and markings from 'E' to 'F.' Where is the needle pointing?"
    CUSTOMER: "It's pointing to 'E.' What does that mean?"
    HELPLINE: "It means that you have to visit a gasoline vendor, and purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself, or pay the vendor to install it for you."
    CUSTOMER: "What!?" I paid $12,000. for this car! Now you tell me that I have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with everything built in!"
    HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
    CUSTOMER: "Your cars suck!"
    HELPLINE: "What's wrong?"
    CUSTOMER: "It crashed, that's what went wrong!"
    HELPLINE: "What were you doing?"
    CUSTOMER: "I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all the way to the floor. It worked for a while, and then it crashed -- and now it won't start!"
    HELPLINE: "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do you expect us to do about it?"
    CUSTOMER: "I want you to send me one of the latest version that doesn't crash anymore!"
    HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
    CUSTOMER: "Hi! I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power brakes, and power door locks."
    HELPLINE: "Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?"
    CUSTOMER: "How do I work it?"
    HELPLINE: "Do you know how to drive?"
    CUSTOMER: "Do I know how to what?"
    HELPLINE: "Do you know how to drive?"
    CUSTOMER: "I'm not a technical person! I just want to go places in mycar!"
  2. Maveric169

    Maveric169 The Voices Talk to Me

    Elkhart, IN
    That really would be funny
  3. NerdUprising

    NerdUprising [ Method ]

    :p That is more true than it is funny - it'd be good to have to throw at someone when they complain about how crappy a computer is

    *saves for later usage* :cool:
  4. LeeJend

    LeeJend Moderator

    Fort Worth, TX
    The sad part is every one of those questions has been asked of Car Dealers and auto mechanics thousands of times...

    The biggest waste of paper on the planet is user manuals. They are never opened, let-alone-read.
  5. Son Goku

    Son Goku No lover of dogma

    Someone mentioned this elsewhere. Reminded me of another joke, about Microsoft building cars. Old one, though this list has a top 20...