True londoner

Discussion in 'Funny Farm' started by ZeroHour, Dec 2, 2005.

  1. ZeroHour

    ZeroHour ho3 ho3 ho3


    1. You say "the City" and expect everyone to know which one.
    2. You have never been to The Tower or Madame Tussauds but love Brighton
    3. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Shepherds
    Bush to Elephant & Castle at 3:30 on the Friday before a long
    weekend, but can't find Dorset on a map.
    4. Hookers and the homeless are invisible.
    5. You step over people who collapse on the Tube.
    6. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own
    languagemakes you multilingual.
    7. You've considered stabbing someone.
    8. Your door has more than three locks.
    9. You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression.
    10. You call an 8' x 10' plot of patchy grass a garden.
    11. You consider Essex the "countryside".
    12. You think Hyde Park is "nature".
    13. You're paying £1,200 a month for a studio the size of a walk-in
    wardrobe and you think it's a "bargain".
    14. Shopping in suburban supermarkets and shopping malls gives you a severe
    attack of agoraphobia.
    15. You pay more each month to park your car than most people in the UK pay
    in rent.
    16. You pay £3 without blinking for a beer that cost the bar 28p.
    17. You actually take fashion seriously.
    18. You have 27 different take-away menus next to your telephone.
    19. The UK west of Heathrow is still theoretical to you.
    20. You're suspicious of strangers who are actually nice to you.
    21. Your idea of personal space is no one actually physically standing on
    22. £50 worth of groceries fit in one plastic bag.
    23. You have a minimum of five "worst cab ride ever" stories.
    24. You don't hear sirens anymore.
    25. You've mentally blocked out all thoughts of the city's air/water
    quality and what it's doing to your insides.
    26. You live in a building with a larger population than most towns.
    27. Your cleaner is Portugese, your grocer is Somali, your butcher is
    halal,your deli man is Israeli, your landlord is Italian, your laundry guy
    is Philippino, your bartender is Australian, your favourite diner owner
    is Greek, the watch seller on your corner is Senegalese, your last cabbie
    was African, your newsagent is Indian and your local English chippie owner
    is Turkish.
    28. You wouldn't want to live anywhere else until you get
    29. You roll your eyes and say 'tsk' at the news that someone has thrown
    himself under a tube train.
    30. Your day is ruined if you don't get a copy of Metro on the way to work
  2. LordOfLA

    LordOfLA Godlike!

    Maidenhead, Berkshire, UK
    As a brummie having live in london for one and a half years, half of that is true and exceedingly funny :D
  3. Mainframeguy

    Mainframeguy Debiant by way of Ubuntu Folding Team

    London, UK
    as a Londoner who has lived here most of my adult life it is largely rubbish and paints us as a stereotyped, boring, blnkered bunch - if you get out and about in London you'll actually find it is far more varied and multicultural than this - and these are just little jibes at Londoners.... I'm not offended but I think it is ignorant and unfunny.
  4. ZeroHour

    ZeroHour ho3 ho3 ho3

    mainframeguy I get stick like this being from scotland.
    No offence was meant. Just some *common* things that *some* londoners do.
    Sorry man
  5. ming

    ming OSNN Advanced

    I agree with this statement.