Top Tips

Discussion in 'Funny Farm' started by Kirrie2001, Jun 8, 2002.

  1. Kirrie2001

    Kirrie2001 Guest

    Here are a few to get you started.

    Top Tips.

    (1) Shape rusty iron filings into dog turds. When flies eat it, they will be too heavy to take off, and can be caught easily with a magnet.
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    (2) Save the call charge the next time you dial a wrong number by replacing the receiver before the phone is answered.
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    (3) Get rid of bats, by attaching mousetraps to Helium filled balloons, and releasing them at night.
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    (4) First aid. Drowning. Atfer the patient has gone down for the ninth time, a rescue should be attempted. Drag the patient to a dry area and administer artificial desperation. When and if the patient revives, on no account offer them a drink of water.
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    (5) Make your wife cry when making love, by phoning her and telling her.
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    (6) Ladies. Cycle helmet too big? Place a panty liner beneath the rim for a snug fit. (But don`t use the one`s with wings, or you¬ll look like Deputy Dawg).
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    (7) The wire top from a champagne bottle, makes a great zimmer frame for lame mice.
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    (8) Fill an empty shoe box with snow, then crap on it. Hey presto! Expensive Belgium chocolates.
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    (9) Save energy, by placing solar powered calculators under a hat when not in use.
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    (10) Cigarettes are a much cheaper and a more widely available alternative to nicotine patches.
     
  2. silent_bob

    silent_bob Guest

    Great Kirrie!! n I totally agree with point 10!!!
     
  3. xsivforce

    xsivforce Prodigal Son Folding Team

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    I'll try that next time. ;)
     
  4. Khayman

    Khayman I'm sorry Hal... Political User Folding Team

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    Bats are protected by law, thats just naughty :)


    (11) Alleviate stress at work by quiting and becoming a hobo
     
  5. Friend of Bill

    Friend of Bill What, me worry?

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    Too much slack in your clothes line? Move the house back 3 feet.
     
  6. InfiniteZ

    InfiniteZ Guest

    :D

    HAHAHAHAHA!!
     
  7. bheagle

    bheagle Guest

    Tired of flat tires? Fill all four with expanding foam and buy the best shocks on the market.
     
  8. InfiniteZ

    InfiniteZ Guest

    Not being noticed at work?

    Try laying a dead fish inside your cubicle for a couple weeks. The smell will bring people like a flock of seagulls!!

    :D